How To Be Happy In 3 Simple Steps

I hope the clickbait caught your attention! There’s obviously no straightforward route to happiness. In fact, I doubt we even have a common understanding of what happiness even means. It’s incredibly subjective and we often mix it with joy, pleasure, or excitement.

In today’s post, I’d like to look at my personal way of attaining happiness. The 3 simple steps that I would suggest are:

• Develop meaningful relationships
• Focus on what you have
• Make an effort to help others

But before I dive into that, let me at least tell you what my definition of happiness is. Happiness to me is closely linked to fulfillment. It’s the feeling of being at ease with what I have, where I am, or who I’m with. It’s when I’m present, grateful, and energized. It’s when I know I’m contributing, making a difference, or living out my purpose.

Develop meaningful relationships

The concept of meaningful relationships goes above and beyond just the people in our life. For me personally, it also includes having a deep relationship with God. This is a subjective topic, so each person may have a different opinion on the matter. But what I’ve noticed in general is that my happiness is inextricably linked to the relationship I have with my Creator.

The concept of praying multiple times a day, asking for help and guidance with all my issues, being grateful, being kind, and being appreciative of all that I’ve been blessed with, makes me happy. Something that I always keep in mind is the following:

Moving on to physical relationships, in the Ted talk below, Robert Waldinger discusses what constitutes a good life, based on research on happiness. The lessons are as follows:

• Social connections are imperative, loneliness is dangerous
• The quality of your close relationships matter
• Good relationships have a positive impact on our health

We should, therefore, strive to continuously improve on the relationships that we have, and try to further develop weaker ones with other people.

There is also another beautiful hadith that emphasizes the concept of strengthening family ties and being close to your loved ones:

Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whosever desires to have expansion in his sustenance and a prolonged life, should treat his relatives with kindness.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

For more details on kinship in Islam, you can follow the link below:

Family Ties: “Silat-ur-Rahim”

Focus on what you have

The next concept is potentially a little obvious. Focusing on what you have and being grateful will make you happy. This is especially true when it comes to celebrating your achievements and finding fulfillment in the work that you’ve done.

I often find myself feeling incredibly joyful and happy when I reach certain milestones. Whether it’s something simple like managing to exercise 5 times or week, or something as important as completing a project at work or for the postgrad. It’s not just about the outcome. It’s about the effort that I have put in, the opportunities that I have, and the dedication to finishing it off.

Focusing on what you have is an incredibly easy way to cheer up your mood. This can also extend to realizing how blessed you are to have a healthy body, a sharp intellect, and a roof above your head. As I always say, it’s not about undermining your problems. It’s about re-framing those issues and keeping your feet on the ground, but your head in the clouds.

Make an effort to help others

Service, service, service. Ultimately, the most fulfilling part of life (for me personally), is to make a difference in other people’s lives. This can mean different things to different people, but you should strive to do something that is enjoyable and beneficial.

When you see how you have helped another person grow, it leaves you with a feeling of joy and contentment. This is irrespective of whether they appreciate it or not, whether you get the credit for it or not, whether you’re acknowledged for it or not. It’s about the effort you put in to help others.

At the end of the day, we’re social creatures and we are in need of other people for our psychological well-being (to a certain extent). The more we’re able to support other people, the more we’ll be supported ourselves. So make a conscious effort to help other people, for both them and for your own happiness.

So to summarize the 3 simple steps that lead to happiness. Start with developing meaningful relationships in your life, be it with God, with your friends or with family members. Celebrate your hard work and accomplishments by focusing on what you have. And lastly, make an effort to make a difference in other people’s lives. You got this.

#LiftAsYouRise

Learning How To Learn

One of my favourite subjects in high-school was Math. I can definitely give some credit to our incredible math teacher at the time; Mr. Williams. He was always light-hearted and made the process of learning rather enjoyable.

Considering I grew up in Saudi Arabia as an expat, he was one of the few South Africans that I could relate to at the time. I also ended up becoming great friends with his sons, when I moved to Cape Town to study after high-school.

The reason why I’m starting with that flashback, is because there’s a phrase Mr. Williams used to always scream at us:

“You have to learn how to learn!”

Please keep in mind that this was conveyed in a thick Capetonian accent, which we all found absolutely hilarious at the time. As I started growing up and learning more, I realized that this man was well ahead of the game. We learn everything there is to know in school, except, the most important skill; which is learning how to learn.

I want to dive into the concept of being a life-long learner, something that I always gained tremendous insight into after being part of the 20 Life Learners group. A lot of the topics that I cover here will be from the book ‘Limitless’ by Jim Kwik. It’s absolutely remarkable and I highly recommend you give it a read for yourself.

Why is learning so important?

It comes down to why. The purpose. The reason why we learn in the first place. As always, it usually has something to do with service. With leaving the world (or even just your environment) in a slightly better condition compared to when you found it.

This question is rather difficult to answer. It’s specific to each individual really. Reflect on the concept of learning in general, and why you think it’s important to you. Let me know what your thoughts are in the comments.

For me, learning is about continuously improving. It’s about becoming better at a certain skill, subject or experience. It makes life a little easier and more fulfilling. It’s also about sharing the knowledge with other people. With the intention to help them improve and make their own life easier.

“Aspire to Inspire”

That motto came about in a phase of my life when I felt kind of clueless. I didn’t really know what to do with my time. I decided to divert my energy into something a little more useful than just playing games or spending time with friends. I realized that by increasing my own knowledge (through learning), I was able to help others more.

Reading is the ultimate form of learning. Just reminding you of why it’s so important to build that habit as soon as you can. I’ve written a post previously on how to read faster and more effectively.

The system

I’m not sure about you, but most of the people I know study to pass. Educational institutes are run more like businesses now than anything else. It’s about making as much profit as you can from every student. Through all the chaos (and capitalism I suppose), we lost the essence of what learning is all about.

We no longer worry about whether we’re maximizing our potential or chasing our passions. It’s about passing the exam. Cramming the night before for your assignment. Submitting when you know you’ve put it enough to pass. In that process, what are we really learning?

Study to learn and to create deep knowledge, not just to pass an exam or assignment.

I’ll tell you why I really dislike the concept of cramming the night before, you don’t actually retain any of the information. It doesn’t get the chance to enter your long-term memory because your intention was not to learn, but rather to just pass.

Being intentional with your learning

An important consideration moving forward is to be intentional with your actions, especially when it comes to learning. Our intentions are the driving force behind our behaviours.

Next time you’re studying for anything at all, keep in mind how the knowledge you’re gaining is actually going to benefit those around you. Realize that you’re going to make an impact, and it’s up to you to make sure it’s something positive.

It can be tempting to fall prey to the way our assignments are marked and just try to cram. But that’s not the point. Even if you don’t enjoy what you’re currently studying, find something else in your free time that you can learn with passion. That you can learn intentionally. That you can learn to be of service.

Mark Twain said it wonderfully, as I’ve previously quoted:

“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.”

Don’t ever limit yourself. You’re not born ‘smart’ or ‘dumb’. It’s all about the processes you use and the way you train yourself. You have the capacity to grow. To expand beyond your limiting beliefs. To learn faster and more efficiently than ever before. You’re capable of being a superhero.

Just use your brain more. It’s like a muscle, the more you train it, the stronger it becomes. You have so much potential within you. Keep trying. Keep pushing. Don’t give up when it gets tough. Embrace your growth mindset and flourish in discomfort. It’s the only way to grow. You got this.

On The Shortness Of Life

I’m currently reading a book called ‘On the Shortness of Life’ by Seneca; a Roman stoic philosopher from the stone-age (haha). The principle is straightforward and quite relevant to the blog’s theme; remember that you will die (Memento Mori).

Life is short. As part of nature, we have one inevitable experience in common; to pass on. It’s easy to forget how short-lived and temporary we are. We’re always chasing tomorrow and planning like we’ve got infinite days ahead of us. Let’s really look at how time, wisdom, service and purpose play a role in our understanding of death (and life I suppose).

Time

I keep coming back to the concept of time. It’s seriously abstract and most of us have just ignored that fact. What does experiencing ‘an hour’ even mean? Even things like time zones and losing time whilst travelling (on a plane for example). It really does boggle the mind when you sit and think about it.

What we ultimately need to understand is that time is our most precious resource. We tend to prioritize things like wealth and socializing, over time. We behave as if we drew from an infinite supply. Each of us has a very specific time, location and way in which we’re going to pass on. There’s no escaping that for sure.

Life is kind of like playing 30 seconds. As soon as you’re born, the hourglass is turned over and you have to get as much done before your time is up. Meditate on how often you waste your time over trivial matters and having mundane conversations.

What if you treated everyday as if it were your last? How different would your current trajectory look?

Wisdom

There’s a lot of wisdom to gain from contemplating your own death. I’ve spoken about this before, but it’s a reminder we need all the time. Wisdom to me, is just learning from your own mistakes and making improvements based on that.

We’ve all made several mistakes in our lifetime. We’re going to make a lot more in the near future. The point is to accept that you’re imperfect and temporary. That you’re on a journey to continuous learning. That you’re just a student of life. There’s no such thing as perfection, no matter how hard you strive for it.

Keeping that in mind, I want you to further think about your limiting beliefs and what’s preventing you from being vulnerably honest with those you care about.

Here’s a good question to ask yourself if you’re ever feeling embarrassed or ashamed about a mistake you’ve made:
Is this going to matter in a year? In 5 years? In 10 years?

Service

We’re here to help each other. We’ve come this far as a species because of collaboration. Because of education. Because of the way we’ve looked after each other. The best way to leave your mark on the world is through service.

This can come in any form that seems fit to you. It can be through serving your parents, assisting with charity events, teaching and sharing your knowledge, looking after the elderly, visiting the sick or just being kind to strangers that you meet. There’s no limit or set way of contributing.

Do what makes you feel good whilst assisting others in any way possible. You’ll notice what a tremendous effect that will have on your sense of purpose.

Purpose

Have you ever sat down to consider the legacy you’d like to leave behind? The impact you want to make on the world? We’re not here by chance or coincidence. Everything is purposeful, it’s all Divine Wisdom.

Service and purpose go hand-in-hand. They both feed into each other. The more you contribute, the more you feel alive, the more you develop your sense of purpose. It’s not necessarily a ‘quest’. You don’t have to search for purpose. You just live it by doing the best that you can, in everything you experience.

To try and make sense of these concepts, I’ve got an interesting way to think about it.

Imagine yourself on your death bed. You’re old, you’re weak and you’re very much dependent on others. What was your biggest regret? What was something you’ve always wanted to pursue? What was the biggest waste of your time? What drained your energy? What made you energized?

Who would you spend more time on? Who would you spend less time with? What would you appreciate and cherish more if you could? What would you do differently?

Honestly, we’re not that far off from being on our death beds. We take nothing with us when go down to our grave. Keep that in mind and reflect on these important questions. Make the most of the time that you have left. Always remember, now is all you have.

Hold On

Are you also feeling really tired with everything that’s going on? We’ve reached that point in the year where everything just feels exhausting. I know those who are studying will feel this particularly relevant. It’s as if we’re meant to ignore the chaos in the world and carry on like everything is fine. The pandemic just doesn’t seem to be going away.

This is going to be more of a rant so that you know you’re not alone in how you feel. The past few months have been incredibly taxing for me, especially since I’m in my final year at UCT; virtually. I want to talk about what has kept me going and how to stay motivated moving forward.

Purpose

What has always grounded me was finding a sense of purpose. Looking at why I do the things that I do. I think now more than ever when it feels like every day is the same, we need to look deeper and find meaning in our situation.

Living with purpose is essentially being intentional in your daily activities. It’s inevitable that things will seem monotonous and boring after a while. We need to refresh those intentions daily to keep the fire within us burning.

Acceptance

I know it doesn’t make sense a lot of the time. I know it’s difficult to comprehend and understand. That’s okay, we need to learn to be kinder to ourselves. Being kind to others can often feel more natural than being kind to ourselves.

We need to start showing up for ourselves and work on acceptance. Don’t resist the sadness, the tiredness, the frustration, the impatience. Accept them and understand that they’re temporary.

Emotions are like waves, they come and go.

Remember not to identify with your feelings. For example, you are not sad. You are experiencing sadness. Making that mental shift will allow you to detach much more easily.

Service and Gratitude

Do more for others and you’ll feel immensely content. When you’re able to help others and act from a place of service, you will feel more connected and alive. We’ve been neurologically wired for just that.

Whenever you’re having a bad day, as odd as it sounds, find someone to help. It will help you find a sense of purpose amidst the chaos.

The more you give, the more you get.

Count your blessings. I say this over and over again because I truly want you to realize how important it is. Wake up every morning and focus on what you have. It will massively improve the quality of your life, even if the situation itself remains the same.

Habits

I’ve talked extensively about how to form habits in my previous post. This has helped me form structure in my day. Forming a routine might sound monotonous, but it’s quite a paradox. When things are in place and you know what to do each day, it gives you the freedom to utilize your free time.

You won’t feel aimless or lost during the day. You’ll have a sense of direction. That is incredibly important when we’re spending so much time at home.

Emotional Outlets

Find somewhere to release your thoughts and emotions. This can be in the form of venting to the people you trust or writing in a journal. Alternatively, you could even send voice notes to yourself just to keep track of what’s going on with you.

A tempting response that I often get from people is that they use exercise as their outlet. As incredible as exercise is for mental health, it doesn’t serve the same purpose as a journal for example.

Actively dealing with your thoughts instead of being distracted will play a massive role in your interactions with others, and more importantly with yourself.

I know it’s tough, I know you’re tired and I know you just want to give up. But that’s the easy option. You don’t grow when the conditions are ideal or when you’re comfortable. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, to become the best version of yourself.

Always ask yourself: “What is this teaching me? How can I learn from this?”

The world will carry on with indifference. It’s quite humbling to realize how tiny we are in the grander scheme of things. Follow your nature and keep trying. Rest well and take breaks if you need to.

Hold on, don’t ever give up.