Balance

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve had to really juice out the time in a single day. Always so much to do, in such little time. The key question is, how do I juggle and keep entertaining without dropping it all?

When I talk about entertainment, I just mean finding ways to keep on keeping on. Back to my question then, isn’t it about balance? Well, let’s dive into the different aspects of balance that are important for us to keep juggling.

I’ve written something similar before on mind, body and soul. I’ll use that as a reference and remind myself of why that triangle is important.

Mind

The mind is one of the most extraordinary things in existence. It’s essentially a super-computer. You can process like a million things at once. But maybe that’s where a bit of the trouble lies; when we start taking on so much stimuli that it starts to distract us.

Fun fact about the brain: It takes up around 2% of our total mass but uses approximately 20% of the energy in our system. I think that kind of speaks to the level of complexity it has compared to the rest of our body.

The mind is like a muscle, it can be trained. That also means it needs to rest. We don’t usually accommodate enough time for rest though, especially in the rat race a lot of us find ourselves in. So what can we do to balance this leg of the trio? You should be able to guess that by now…

Meditate!

Last time, I spoke about the impact meditation has on our ability to concentrate. This time, I’m speaking about how it can be used to help us find calm, clarity and balance.

The thing about being mindful is that you focus on the present moment. You’re not getting lost in thought, worrying about the future or stressing about the past. You learn to breathe, accept, and let go. There can be different ways of doing this, journalling works wonders too. Find something that works best for you to stay present and keep at it. Your brain deserves it.

Dandelion seed, shallow focus

Body

Here’s something you might not have expected me to say about taking care of your body:

Sleep!

Sure, exercise is a fundamental aspect of taking care of your body. We’ve talked about that in enough detail before and I’m certain you know it too. But sleep is something we don’t pay enough attention to. I’m currently reading a book called ‘Why We Sleep’ by Matthew Walker. It’s what inspired me to emphasize the importance of sleep.

Did you know that the process of transferring short-term memories from the hippocampus into long-term storage in the neocortex occurs during sleep? Specifically, during the deep phases of NREM sleep.

This means that sleep protects newly acquired information (a process called consolidation), enables us to remember better, enhances our ability to learn, accelerates physical recovery, stimulates muscle recovery and helps our cells restock energy.

The catch here, is that you need to sleep for at least 7 hours a night. If you’re sleeping for 6 hours or less, you’re essentially depriving your body of a vital recovery process. Have you ever heard anyone say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”?

Well, the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life span (and the quality of that life). I wouldn’t recommend pulling too many all-nighters.

I encourage you to take your sleeping routine more seriously. Pay attention not just to the quantity, but the quality too. Stick to a consistent time to go to bed and wake up every night. Take 20 minute naps during the day whenever possible. It will genuinely enhance your overall performance.

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Soul

We’ve learned a little about how to balance the mind and body, but what happens when we add another ball to juggle? Harmony I would hope. The final piece of the puzzle is to look after your soul. This is probably the hardest aspect to keep in check, because it has to do with your purpose.

In order to find acceptance in the chaos, we need to live with intention. We need to realize how temporary we truly are. We need to detach and stop clinging onto materialistic desires. For some people, religious practices are what keeps their soul balanced. This is true for me, as I am a practicing Muslim. For others, it might be something different.

The point is to find a way to serve others. To express yourself in a way that contributes to the greater good. To be disciplined and authentic to your true self. To understand that it’s no coincidence that you’re here. You’re exactly where you are meant to be and for a specific reason. Realize that you matter and that you make a difference.

We don’t have a choice as to whether or not we want to play. We do have a choice as to how we decide to play. Juggling through the game of life is not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it. As long as we remember to take out some time to relax our mind and be present, take better care of our sleep and live with the intention to serve others.

“The only guarantee for failure is to stop trying.”

The Tipping Point

A book summary, when last! I’m on my third book of the year and I thought I should write a book summary, considering how long it’s been.

The Tipping Point is a book by Malcolm Gladwell about how little things can make a big difference. It’s an idea about how certain concepts like fashion trends, messages and behaviours spread in a similar way to viruses.

The key components are:

• The three rules of epidemics
  • Contagiousness
  • Little causes can have big effects
  • How changes can happen in one dramatic moment
• The law of the few
• The stickiness factor
• The power of context

Considering we’re in an actual pandemic, let’s go through these key components and make sense of them within our own context.

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The Three Rules of Epidemics

The three rules of epidemics essentially speaks to the ingredients of how things spread. Firstly, it needs to be contagious. Whether it’s a virus or an idea, it requires an effective method to travel and spread.

Secondly, the concept of how little causes can have big effects describes how once a virus enters your system, it can completely take over. The same logic applies to fashion trends when certain influencers promote a new look. It’s a small change, but it can have a monumental impact on the industry.

The third rule speaks to how changes doesn’t necessarily have to be gradual. It can happen quite erratically. This essentially speaks to exponential growth. We’ve seen that with how the number of Covid cases started to rise.

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The Law of the Few

• Connecters – People specialists
• Mavens – Information specialists
• Salesmen – Persuasion specialists

Connecters, mavens and salesmen are critical individuals involved in allowing trends to ‘tip’ past a certain point. Connecters are people who are incredibly gifted socially. They have an enourmous network and know everyone. They’re comfortable having ‘weak ties’ with many different people and form acquaintances. These people are important because they help spread ideas through their network. They help us connect with important people

Mavens are people who typically accumulate knowledge. They also have a relatively large social network. They don’t just passively collect information, they actively try to share it. They find out about the best deals and want you to know about it too. Their motivation is to educate and help.

Salesmen are people who are effective at convincing us about things we are hesitant about. They’re extremely effective at using subtle non-verbal cues, physical harmony and motor mimicry. These are forms of body language and communication that allow us to feel comfortable, heard and understood.

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I suppose in the context of our pandemic, mavens provided the virus, connectors spread it and salesmen convinced us that we were in trouble.

The Stickiness Factor

The stickiness factor is about how messages, ideas or trends actually stick to their target audience. It’s presenting it in such a way that people can’t seem to let go – or constantly want more of it.

It’s the way TV shows get viewers hooked; presenting the show in a way that makes people crave more. It’s the anticipation of another season. The keenness to expect another plot twist. The willingness to binge.

For a virus to spread effectively, it needs to have a stickiness factor. Given their biological nature, viruses essentially evolve to ‘stick’ as efficiently as possible. They spread from host to host, with the aim of reproducing and spreading their genes as much as they can.

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The Power of Context

The last idea discussed in the book was on the power of context and how our environment impacts the way we behave. What we need to understand here is that specific and relatively minor elements in the environment play a role in the Tipping Point.

Context matters because it also helps spread (or prevent) certain ideas and behaviours. It’s also why you often hear people talking about de-cluttering your work space. Because it affects your state of mind and how you interact with the world around you. It’s why your social circle matters. Because the people you surround yourself with influence you to do (or not to do) specific behaviours.

For any kind of pandemic to spread, the context in which it can grow matters. The type of people and the way they interact with each other matters.

It should be noted that all these concepts are explained in a much more profound way in the book. Gladwell uses incredible real-life case studies to argue his point. So far, we’ve looked at the Three Rules of Epidemics, The Law of the Few, The Stickiness Factor and The Power of Context.

Each of these elements can dramatically help us spread ideas and to start trends. It also helps us understand the way in which the world functions. I hope you’ve managed to get a little bit curious about these concepts and to maybe read the book for yourself.

As for now, I hope you have an incredible week and find something interesting to learn.

Mindful Monday #6

Why is it so difficult to concentrate? Why do we sometimes struggle to remember names or places? Do you also feel like your attention span is depreciating?

Mindful Monday is back! I really enjoy this series because it’s all about living in the present, focusing on your breath, being intentional and honouring gratitude.

I thought about how I know so many people who constantly tell themselves: “I’m terrible at remembering names”, “I really struggle to focus”, “I always misplace my things”. In today’s post, I’d like to share some techniques on how to concentrate, remember names better and discuss why love is about the quality of attention.

Meditate

The solution is to isolate yourself in the Himalayas, get rid of technology and meditate for 10 hours a day. I’m kidding (although it would probably seriously help). What you want to do is train your brain to focus. I’m bringing back the concept of neuroplasticity, whereby your brain physically changes with every experiences.

If you want to focus better, learn how to focus. It’s not something you have or don’t have, it’s a skill that you can develop. Meditation is the perfect tool to help you improve on that skill. Keep in mind that it’s much more meaningful and beneficial than just helping you focus, but that’s the advantage I’d like to emphasize here.

This is not the same thing as being mindful, because mindfulness is more of a lifestyle; embracing the present moment as often as possible. Meditation allows you to become more mindful.

Mindfulness meditation utilizes the breath and other physical cues in your immediate environment to help you acknowledge the present. By forming the habit of sitting down every morning or evening, for 5-10 minutes to focus on your breath, you train your mind to sit still. To not get distracted. To engage with your thoughts more consciously. To acknowledge the external world more clearly. To even help you remember better.

Sorry, what’s your name again?

I’ve mentioned Jim Kwik a number of times in previous posts, but it’s especially relevant to the topic of memory. In order to easily remember names, remember the acronym BE SUAVE.

BE SUAVE

• Believe
• Exercise
• Say it
• Use it
• Ask
• Visualize
• End with it

Firstly, you have to actually Believe that you’re capable of this. There’s no use starting with limiting beliefs; you’re setting yourself up for defeat. No such thing as ‘I’m bad with names’, just put in effort. By Exercising, it implies repetition and continuous practice. Every skill requires practice to develop.

Saying it is about repeating the person’s name as they tell it to you, so you get to hear it twice. Using it is just regularly using their name throughout the conversation (in moderation). Asking relates to being curious about the origin of the name. Visualizing is about creatively thinking of their name in a memorable context (for example, if the person’s name is Matt, then you can imagine them on a flying mat). Ending it is just about repeating their name before you end the conversation.

It’s all about formulating a strategy. For more information, you can read the original article:

https://jimkwik.com/kwik-brain-006/

Attention!

I once read a quote that said:

“Love is the quality of attention we pay to things.”

Quite remarkable, don’t you think? I interpreted that to imply that we should starting paying a better quality of attention to our own lives. What does it really mean to love yourself?

If we have to think about the quality of our thoughts, habits and behaviours, we’d soon enough realize that there’s always work to do. But love is all about embracing the flaws, understanding that you will always have some form of imperfection, but striving for continuous improvement.

It all starts with attention. Pay better attention to life. Execute one task at a time. Remove distraction from your environment (especially digital). Find time to stare out of the window. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality.

To recap what we’ve discussed so far:

1. Meditate to enhance your focus
2. BE SUAVE to help you remember names
3. Pay quality attention to your own life

We’ll end on another brilliant quote, one which I often repeat to myself:

“Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.”

Change And New Beginnings

Every year tends to bring with it a new chapter. A new beginning. A new adventure. The concept of novelty is highly sought after, despite how terrifying it can be. We’re creatures of habit, but we also get bored very quickly.

Life can be quite painful. We encounter tragedy at every corner. It’s essentially inevitable. What we have control over is our perception, reaction and ability to adapt. Let’s talk about accepting change, becoming resilient and seeking novel experiences.

Accepting Change

To really understand why it’s so important to accept change, I always think about this quote:

“Change is inevitable, resistance is futile.”

It’s going to happen whether you like it or not. Nothing stays the same. All you can do is prepare and become receptive to the disruptions that are inbound.

I recently talked to a friend of mine about the concept of being in a cocoon. We start off being little caterpillars, content with our leaves and staying on the same branch – immature. Then life gets a little trickier and we decide to engulf ourselves in a chrysalis. It feels safer, more comfortable and we don’t have to deal with the external world.

The initial discomfort is a crucial step in the metamorphosis. It catalyzes our transformation into the best version of ourselves. Once we’ve adequately accepted the change, we start evolving into a butterfly and break out of the cocoon – matured. This is the point of escape; from limitations, negative self-talk and denial. We fly into the world stronger, faster, braver and more beautiful than ever.

What we don’t realize is that the difficult and new circumstances were a critical aspect of the transformation. We require novelty and a certain degree of hardship to grow.

Becoming Resilient

And so, when we learn to continuously embrace challenges and try to overcome them, we become resilient. The reason I love talking about resilience is because it’s at the heart of learning.

When we experience change or disruption, we’re forced to adapt. When we learn to continuously adapt, it becomes easier for us to deal with more unprecedented changes. The cycle essentially feeds itself. We need to approach our fears with courage and prove to ourselves that we truly are capable of overcoming them.

Resilience allows us to try again. It allows us to keep pushing. It prevents us from giving up because deep down we know, we can do it.

If you really want to observe resilience at its best, just spend time in nature. Watch the trees and plants. Notice how they have absolutely no control over their environment, yet they find ways to thrive. Follow your nature and embrace the inevitable changes that are coming your way. In fact, you should go out of your way to face challenges that you’ve never experienced before.

Seeking Novel Experiences

Instead of waiting for changes to come your way, why don’t you go out to face them instead? I don’t just mean trying out a new restaurant or hotel, but I mean actual adventures that require some form of courage and dedication (I can see how you could argue that for restaurants or hotels, but you get my point here).

What I want you to understand here is that you can mentally (and I suppose physically) train yourself to get used to adapting. Not just to survive, but to get the hang of it and thrive. You prove to yourself that you’re capable of overcoming the discomfort, difficulty and uncertainty. The more you leave your comfort zone, the more you’re exposing yourself to growth.

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The point I’m trying to make is that we’re always going encounter unfamiliar situations. It’s going to be scary, overwhelming and challenging. What we can control is our approach to and perception of those situations. We can look at the circumstances we’ve overcome in the past and utilize the same skills again in the future. We can turn those challenges into opportunities to grow.

If you just reflect over the past few months, you’ll realize that you’ve been remarkably resilient. You’ve endured an incredible amount of hardship and suffering. Yet you’re still here. You’re still fighting. You’re still giving it your best. Don’t give up when it’s hard. Smile and embrace the challenge. It’s going to transform you into the beautiful butterfly that you’ve been destined to become.

Haven’t We Been Here Before?

Life has an interesting way of functioning. As much as we make progress and move forward, there’s also a sense that we’re just going in loops. I love the concept of things being cyclic. Going back to the starting point. Isn’t that the purpose? To go back to where we came from.

The reason I’m emphasizing the circular aspect of life is because it requires intentional consistency. The only way to make rapid progress and to evolve is to try something, make mistakes, learn, repeat. The most important part is repeating and doing it again.

Moving into the new year, things feel strangely similar. We’ve been here before. We’ve had this experience of trying to make new goals, to stop new habits, to let go of toxic relationships, to work more on ourselves, to exercise more regularly and to eat more healthily. What keeps messing up? Or rather, why is it always the same cycle?

Life is a loop

Spend time in nature and you’ll notice how everything is created for the other. The food chain is a remarkable example of that interconnectedness.

We should then come to understand that we too are here for a very specific reason. We affect each other at a very subconscious level. Energy is contagious. Surround yourself with people who make you feel alive. Who make you feel worthy of your ambitions.

“Aim for the moon, if you miss you might hit a star.”

When we set incredible goals, we’re likely to fail at some point. The purpose is to maximize learning from those mistakes, make improvements and set even greater goals.

How do we utilize that loop and ensure we make the most of that interconnectedness? Through being intentional in our daily lives.

Intentions

As I’ve mentioned several times before, intentions are the driving force behind behaviours. Start and end your day by being intentional.

The reason we fall into bad loops or end up failing a positive loop is because we lose track of our intentions. That’s the key component to every action.

Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour

As you align your intentions with your values, you’ll start noticing that your thoughts, feelings and behaviour all influence each other. They’re non-mutually exclusive. This is another example of how everything is looped.

The quality of your life experience is dictated by the quality of your thoughts.

Your thoughts then have an impact on your feelings and behaviour. Your feelings can also affect your thoughts and your behaviour, and vice versa. I’m repeating this statement because I want you to start removing negative self-talk and to stop waiting for motivation.

Keep optimistic. Look at the bigger picture. Think outside the box. Just keep trying. Don’t wait to feel in the mood. Put yourself in the mood. Take the necessary action to ignite the stored energy. Unleash your full potential. Don’t wait for later. Act now.

Consistency

And now to discuss the most important skill needed in life (in my opinion), consistency. Can you imagine how complicated everything would be if there was no consistency? The world would be chaos. You’d spend every ounce of energy trying to make your next move; even trying to decide when to brush your teeth.

Consistency is the key to mastery.

I know you know how important consistency is, but it also seems to slip away. Even after all the new year resolutions and making promises and what not. But now it’s time to truly make a difference. Just open your eyes and focus a little more on how crucial the concept of consistency is; especially from a natural POV. All you need to do is find the loops that you want to implement to make a positive change, and be consistent.

It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Start small. Do it every day. Make baby progress. Don’t feel bad for failing. Learn from your mistakes. Keep at it. Grow.

Don’t Stop, Believing

The thing about having a growth mindset is that you just don’t ever give up on yourself (realistically speaking). You keep trying. You believe that the more effort and deliberate pratice you put in, the more you’ll achieve the results.

As we reflect over the ups and down of the past few months, we’ll notice that we were extremely resilient. We’ve overcome circumstances and situations that we never thought were possible.

You only grow in a state of discomfort.

The more uncomfortable it is, the more it will catalyze your ability to progress and grow. You have a chance to restart each and every day.

Believe in yourself. Now, tomorrow and always. You are beautiful. You are capable. You are worthy. You are strong enough to overcome your trials. You are smart enough to figure it out. You are going to get better, faster and stronger. Don’t ever stop believing in yourself.

You got this.

Why Exercise Is Important

I’ve started going to the gym again after taking a pretty long break. Over the past few months, I was still keeping a little active – surfing, jogging and playing soccer – but it wasn’t enough. Due to the prolonged period of inactivity, I became a lot more prone to injuries. Today, I want to speak to you about the benefits that I’ve personally experienced from working out.

As with all habits, always remember to start with why. Keep your intentions clear and aligned with your values. The more the benefits of what you’re trying to do are clear, the more likely you are to stay consistent.

I’ll dive into the mental health benefits, the physical health benefits, developing consistency, a growth mindset and mental sharpness.

Mental Health and Self-esteem

You’ve probably heard this before but I’m here to reiterate the point, your physical health and mental health are interlinked. The better you take care of your physical needs (i.e. Exercise regularly, sleep well, eat healthy), the better your mental health will be.

The interesting thing about exercise is that it’s an incredible distraction. All you focus on when you’re working out is the next rep, the next mile or the next stretch. You narrow down your concentration and form some kind of tunnel vision, allowing you to de-stress.

When you feel good about your body, your self-esteem naturally boosts. This has tremendous benefits to your psyche, because your inner self-talk plays a critical role in your day-to-day activities.

Next time you’re feeling lazy to work out or go for a jog, think of how much better you’ll feel when those muscles are burning. Not only will you have more mental clarity, but you’ll also have more confidence in yourself.

Physical Health and Longevity

This is a bit more obvious. Exercising improves your physical health (Duh). To ensure that your body functions effectively, you need to constantly keep it active. A simple way to think about it is like a car. If you keep it static and stagnant for a long period of time, things can go in many different ways.

The circulation in your body also helps deliver blood more efficiently to the different organs, as well as your brain. This relationship helps cells recover faster and keeps you healthier, for longer. In essence, keeping fit helps you survive for longer (keeping in mind that the time you pass on has already been written and is inevitable).

Consistency

An invaluable skillset. I talk about this quite a lot, but this habit emphasizes it perfectly. You only get better, fitter and stronger when you exercise consistently. It’s also quite incredible how you can transfer this mindset into other areas of your life.

How you are in one part of your life is how you are in all parts of your life. You can’t separate who you are. The way you carry yourself at work, at home, at the gym, on the field, whilst studying, inevitably leaks into all other areas. Focus on giving everything your best shot.

“What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while.”

Keep at it. Don’t stop after a week or 2. Don’t even stop after a month or 2. Just keep at it for a few months and make improvements on your weak spots. This brings me to my next point, having a growth mindset.

Growth Mindset

I absolutely love talking about this concept because it’s such an important part of life. You have to believe in overcoming the discomfort. You have to believe that the struggle is making you stronger. You have to believe that pushing yourself past your limits will lead to growth.

This is easily proven when you’re doing any kind of exercise. Whether it’s lifting weights, running a half marathon, working on difficult yoga poses or just stretching. You need to continuously exert yourself and see how that allows you to reach your goals.

You’ve got to learn to love the burn. This will then allow you to build on your resilience; which as you should know, works exactly like a muscle.

Energy and Mental Sharpness

I’ve already mentioned how the blood circulates to your brain better when you exercise. This in turn gives you energy and an ability to focus. You’re training yourself mentally as much as you are physically, and the benefits are holistic.

The point of this blog post was to motivate you to get up and get going. There’s always a million and one excuses why we can’t exercise. I’ve hopefully given you a million and one reasons to make it a priority. Start small and keep consistent, even if it’s just a 15 minute walk everyday.

If you say ‘I don’t have the time’, you need to carefully re-arrange your priorities. Taking out the time to exercise will not only help you stay fit, but it will also give you more energy, help with your mental health, and allows you to develop consistency, resilience and a growth mindset.

On The Shortness Of Life

I’m currently reading a book called ‘On the Shortness of Life’ by Seneca; a Roman stoic philosopher from the stone-age (haha). The principle is straightforward and quite relevant to the blog’s theme; remember that you will die (Memento Mori).

Life is short. As part of nature, we have one inevitable experience in common; to pass on. It’s easy to forget how short-lived and temporary we are. We’re always chasing tomorrow and planning like we’ve got infinite days ahead of us. Let’s really look at how time, wisdom, service and purpose play a role in our understanding of death (and life I suppose).

Time

I keep coming back to the concept of time. It’s seriously abstract and most of us have just ignored that fact. What does experiencing ‘an hour’ even mean? Even things like time zones and losing time whilst travelling (on a plane for example). It really does boggle the mind when you sit and think about it.

What we ultimately need to understand is that time is our most precious resource. We tend to prioritize things like wealth and socializing, over time. We behave as if we drew from an infinite supply. Each of us has a very specific time, location and way in which we’re going to pass on. There’s no escaping that for sure.

Life is kind of like playing 30 seconds. As soon as you’re born, the hourglass is turned over and you have to get as much done before your time is up. Meditate on how often you waste your time over trivial matters and having mundane conversations.

What if you treated everyday as if it were your last? How different would your current trajectory look?

Wisdom

There’s a lot of wisdom to gain from contemplating your own death. I’ve spoken about this before, but it’s a reminder we need all the time. Wisdom to me, is just learning from your own mistakes and making improvements based on that.

We’ve all made several mistakes in our lifetime. We’re going to make a lot more in the near future. The point is to accept that you’re imperfect and temporary. That you’re on a journey to continuous learning. That you’re just a student of life. There’s no such thing as perfection, no matter how hard you strive for it.

Keeping that in mind, I want you to further think about your limiting beliefs and what’s preventing you from being vulnerably honest with those you care about.

Here’s a good question to ask yourself if you’re ever feeling embarrassed or ashamed about a mistake you’ve made:
Is this going to matter in a year? In 5 years? In 10 years?

Service

We’re here to help each other. We’ve come this far as a species because of collaboration. Because of education. Because of the way we’ve looked after each other. The best way to leave your mark on the world is through service.

This can come in any form that seems fit to you. It can be through serving your parents, assisting with charity events, teaching and sharing your knowledge, looking after the elderly, visiting the sick or just being kind to strangers that you meet. There’s no limit or set way of contributing.

Do what makes you feel good whilst assisting others in any way possible. You’ll notice what a tremendous effect that will have on your sense of purpose.

Purpose

Have you ever sat down to consider the legacy you’d like to leave behind? The impact you want to make on the world? We’re not here by chance or coincidence. Everything is purposeful, it’s all Divine Wisdom.

Service and purpose go hand-in-hand. They both feed into each other. The more you contribute, the more you feel alive, the more you develop your sense of purpose. It’s not necessarily a ‘quest’. You don’t have to search for purpose. You just live it by doing the best that you can, in everything you experience.

To try and make sense of these concepts, I’ve got an interesting way to think about it.

Imagine yourself on your death bed. You’re old, you’re weak and you’re very much dependent on others. What was your biggest regret? What was something you’ve always wanted to pursue? What was the biggest waste of your time? What drained your energy? What made you energized?

Who would you spend more time on? Who would you spend less time with? What would you appreciate and cherish more if you could? What would you do differently?

Honestly, we’re not that far off from being on our death beds. We take nothing with us when go down to our grave. Keep that in mind and reflect on these important questions. Make the most of the time that you have left. Always remember, now is all you have.

The Psychology of Motivation

How do we get people to stay on track with their goals and objectives? How do you even keep yourself motivated to keep going? What do you do when people mess? Do you also struggle with delivering feedback?

Okay, so this is going to be quite an interesting post about positive reinforcement and how you can use that to motivate yourself and other people. We’ll also dive into deadlines and the fear of failure, constructive criticism and why it’s difficult to give/receive any feedback.

Why is motivation so difficult to sustain?

Motivation can often seem like a mood. It changes all the time. One moment you have a burst of energy and after a few minutes you just feel like taking a nap.

What we don’t understand about motivation is that it’s more of a mindset. We need to constantly gear ourselves up and keep the momentum going. It requires discipline and effort, and tons of consistency. Motivation will get you started, but you’ll need to put in the hard work to keep it up.

Deadlines and fear of failure

How often have you procrastinated and left a task until the very last day? You probably had a few weeks to finish the essay but you kept telling yourself ‘later’, ‘tomorrow’, ‘I still have enough time’.

Why then, do we all of a sudden give up on that lazy mindset the day before the actual submission? It’s rooted down in fear. Fear can be an incredibly motivating force. We don’t want to feel humiliated, ashamed, or embarrassed. So we make sure we get enough done for a pass.

If you think about logically though, you’re far more likely to avoid failure and pass well if you submit well in advance. That makes sense and seems quite obvious, but goes against our instinctive ‘path of least resistance’. That’s why you need to find ways to keep yourself motivated on a regular basis. This can be done using methods like positive reinforcement.

Positive reinforcement

So how does positive reinforcement work? It is essentially rewarding and giving people positive feedback on what they’re doing right. This is obviously not applicable when they’re never doing anything the correct way, but I’m sure there are certain things that can be further encouraged.

What you’re doing here is avoiding defensiveness popping up to block the feedback. I’m sure there are several times people have approached you to help you do something in a better way, but it came in one ear and straight out the other.

The ego plays a big role here. We think we’re fine. We don’t need to hear all this garbage about how we’re not good enough. That’s why telling people that they’re doing something right and making them feel good about it, will further motivate them to keep at that behaviour.

Constructive criticism

This is one of the most important aspects of working on a team. Learning to criticize someone else’s work so that everyone can benefit. There are 3 ways that this usually turns out:

1. You don’t say anything at all and accept their imperfect work.
2. You comment too harshly on what they’ve done and make them feel inferior.
3. You approach them with just the right amount of advice and praise.

Constructive criticism is difficult because you have to surpass the defensiveness appropriately. Option 1 is ineffective. You and your team are settling for sub-standard work, in which no one benefits. Option 2 is demotivating. It makes the other person despise working with you and they’ won’t be too eager to hear what you have to say.

Option 3 is the sweet middle spot. You have to come in with the right amount of praise and advice for them to hear you out. It’s a combination of positive reinforcement and criticism. You’re able to make them feel good about what they’re doing right and encourage them to work on where they’re falling short.

https://brooksandkirk.co.uk/constructive-criticism/

Reward and punishment

The figure below shows the differences between positive and negative reinforcement, as well as punishment (this is more for the psych kids to remember). You want to stick to the top left quadrant as often as possible, as it’s the most effective method of encouraging positive behaviours. The other methods are definitely also valuable, so try and understand them well.

Reward yourself for achieving your targets. Celebrate milestones. Take the weekend off after an intense submission.

Don’t allow yourself to become complacent when you’re not getting things done. Figure out why motivation is low and what you can do about it. Keep a system in check to make sure you don’t constantly fall off track without any consequences. Use reinforcement and punishment appropriately.

https://medium.com/@SquarePegMind/lessons-from-dog-training-and-parenting-for-pandemic-behaviour-change-fafc89a056db

Support system

This is often one of the best ways to stay on track of things, by having friends or family members who are there to support you. When you feel overwhelmed and just want to give up, having someone there to encourage can really help with the final push.

It also helps to have someone on a similar path or trying to achieve the same goal. This way when they’re able to move forward and make progress, it could help you stay motivated and keep going.

There’s obviously a lot more to the psychology of motivation. This is just a few thoughts that I had in mind, especially given how critical teamwork is and how we always need to stay on top of things.

You can use these concepts on yourself too. Remember, you don’t know yourself as well as you think. Take the time to actually get to know what works for you and what doesn’t.

As always, stay present. You will get through this. You are capable. If something is difficult, it means you’re going to grow and learn. Don’t stick to your comfort zone, it’s boring there.

“What’s meant for you will never miss you, what misses you was never meant for you.”

12 Rules For Life

An Antidote to Chaos.

I haven’t written a book summary in quite sometime. I’m excited to share the incredible wisdom and life lessons that I’ve gained from Jordan Peterson.

Today’s post will be a summary of the book ’12 Rules For Life’. I’ll try not to make this too long, but it was just such an exciting read that I have a lot to share. Each of these rules dive into a lot more topics than I cover here, so I’d recommend you give the book a read yourself if you find this interesting.

Here’s a summary of those 12 rules:

https://za.pinterest.com/pin/642185228096783514/?nic_v2=1a7l4jXLt

Rule 1: Stand up straight with your shoulders back

The core lesson from this rule is to understand that life is dangerous. Chaos is always around the corner. We have a choice each and everyday in how we respond to the emerging chaos. It’s about building the habits that are required to make progress on a constant basis.

“It is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open.”

Pay attention to your posture, quit hunching and acting defeated. Don’t beat around the bush. Speak your mind and put your desires forward. Dare to be dangerous. Accept the burden of existence with courage and use it to find joy and meaning in your life.

Rule 2: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

This is something that I often find myself thinking about. Why do we not treat ourselves as well as we treat other people we care about? Some of us even treat our pets better than we do for ourselves.

You deserve respect. You are important to other people just as much as you are to yourself. Keep the promises you make to yourself. Determine where you are going. Discipline yourself carefully. Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. Consider what is truly good for you. Not just what you want or what would make you happy.

The main concept here is that your Being is intrinsically connected to others. If you mistreat yourself, it may have negative consequences for other people. Take care of yourself as if you were a child.

Rule 3: Make friends with people who want the best for you

This is connected to the previous rule, in the sense that you’d want to surround yourself with people who care for you and help you grow.

There are people we keep in our lives because we want to help them. We want to be heroes and rescuers. But there’s a limit to that. You need to distinguish between people who genuinely want help and those who are exploiting a willing helper.

“If you have a friend you wouldn’t recommend to your sister, father or son, why would you keep such a friend for yourself?”

Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today

When we have standards, we’re undoubtedly going to experience failure. That’s the consequence of striving above mediocrity. It’s important to value and appreciate what you currently have in your life and the progress you’ve made thus far.

The point here is that you should see yourself as a stranger. Get to know yourself better. You need to pinpoint your mistakes and failures, because you can’t fix something unless you know it’s broken. Be very cautious when you compare yourself to others. We’re all at a different stage in our personal development.

Pay attention. Focus on your environment. Notice the things that bother you and figure out how to fix them. Ask yourself whether you even want to fix them. Ask yourself how your life will be improved if they end up being fixed.

“What could I do, that I would do, to make Life a little better?”

Rule 5: Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them

The lesson here is about disciplining your children or people under you care to become better members of society. To allow them to experience failure, to learn from it, to gain independence from it. To say ‘No’ when it needs to be said and stick to it.

Limit the rules and then figure out how to deal with a situation where it’s broken. Use the least necessary force to enforce those rules. Never let things degenerate to the point where hatred is formed. Parents should understand their own capacity and limits just as well.

“Parents are the arbiters of society. It is an act of responsibility to discipline a child.”

Rule 6: Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world

We’re all incredibly flawed, this should come as no surprise by now. The point is to clean up our lives as best as we can. Ask yourself a few important questions before criticizing others:

• Do things fall apart because we have not paid sufficient attention?
• Have you taken full advantage of the opportunities offered to you?
• Are you truly shouldering your responsibilities?

Stop doing what you know to be wrong. That’s something that will profoundly change the quality of your life. Say and do things that will make you strong and honourable.

Rule 7: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)

A central theme in the book is sacrifice and delaying gratification. This is extremely important, because sacrifice and work are pretty much the same thing. We’re giving up something valuable in the present for something even more valuable in the future.

Expedience is avoiding responsibility, hiding from your problems and lying to yourself about what’s not working out for you. It transfers the curse on your head to someone else or to your future self. Expedience is impulsive and limited.

Meaning is the balance between order and chaos. When you’re at the right place, at the right time and where everything lines up as best as it can. Meaning is aligning your life with purpose.

“Practice sacrifice and sharing, until you become expert it, and things will go well for you.”

Rule 8: Tell the truth -or, at least don’t lie

What should you do when you don’t know what to do? Tell the truth.

Being truthful is imperative to having good character. If you’re not truthful and honest to yourself, how can you do the same for others? Being truthful includes avoiding willful blindness; that is when you refuse to know something that could be known.

If your life isn’t as good as it should be, try being truthful. Stop deceiving yourself.

“A man’s worth can be determined by how much truth he can tolerate.”

Rule 9: Assume the person you are listening to might know something you don’t

Listening is a form of paying attention. It’s not thinking or doing, it’s being present to the information you’re receiving. Don’t judge or formulate a response, just pay attention. Restate the ideas and feeling of the person you’re listening to as accurately as you can, before speaking.

The point is that you can always learn by listening to other people. What you know will never be enough.

Thinking is a form of listening to yourself. That’s why true thinking is so rare, because it’s difficult and most of us don’t have the patience for it. You have to try and be two people at the same time.

“You can be pretty smart if you can just shut up.”

Rule 10: Be precise in your speech

Having arguments are necessary to solve problems, which requires us to confront our chaos. Linking this back to the concept of ‘willful blindness’; we need to realize that not thinking or speaking about something doesn’t make it go away.

Specifying the problem will enable us to find a solution. This can only be done when we admit that the problem exists in the first place. You need to determine where you’re going in your life, because you won’t get there unless you move in that direction.

Note your errors. Articulate them and strive to correct them. Don’t be afraid of conflict or suffering, they’re inevitable and can help you grow. Specify your destination and take sail. Admit to what it is you truly want and let those around you know who you are.

“Everything is intricate beyond imagining. Everything is affected by everything else.”

Rule 11: Do not bother children when they are skateboarding

We often think we’re doing people a favour when we protect them excessively. This is especially true with regards to children. What we need to realize is that we’re all constantly seeking some form of danger. It invigorates us and makes us feel alive. We need to push ourselves past certain limits to grow. We need to push ourselves to even understand what our limits are.

Being overprotective can be hindering to development. We need the freedom and ability to make mistakes, in order for us to learn from them.

“Too much protection devastates the developing soul.”

Rule 12: Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street

What I took from this rule is that we need to be mindful to the little blessings in our life. There is so much that we take for granted on a regular basis, that it makes us bitter and resentful.

If we can focus more on our blessings and truly incorporate gratitude, our perspective and experience of life will significantly change. We’re imperfect, we’re going to make mistakes, we’re going to fall, but we’ll learn, we’ll grow and we’ll adapt.

“When you love someone, it’s not despite their limitations, it’s because of their limitations.”

I hope you managed to gain some wisdom from all these rules. They’re definitely applicable to our every day lives, especially because they have to do with our perception.

Keep growing. Keep learning. Keep pushing. You got this.

Mirror Neurons

Have you ever started copying someone’s behaviour subconsciously? How often do you learn just by observing? Do you think moods are contagious?

As most of you may know by now, I’m quite passionate about psychology and learning about the mind. Today I’ll be talking about a very interesting phenomenon called Mirror Neurons. I’ll run through what they are, how they behave, why we have them and some neuroscience behind leadership.

What are mirror neurons?

These are neurons in the brain that create a shared experience by detecting and then mimicking other people’s emotions. This is fired when you act a behaviour out or when you simply observe and imagine the behaviour.

It’s called mirroring because the observation behaves as if you performed the action yourself. A very similar reaction occurs in your brain.

Have you ever cringed by just watching someone do something cringe-worthy?

https://sites.psu.edu/psych256su16-2/2016/06/28/mirror-neurons/

How do they behave?

Remember that we’re just a bunch of neurons constantly firing. This is essentially what neuroplasticity is all about. It’s how our thoughts, experiences and behaviours change the shape of our brain on a constant basis.

When we are actively engaged in visualization or observing other people in an activity, our brains actually change in structure. This is why we’re often told to become friends with those who are smarter than us or in sports with those who are better than us.

Being surrounded by those people actually have an impact on the way we think. That’s also why they say the company you keep is so important. It physiologically affects you.

Why do we have mirror neurons?

Our good ol’ pal evolution. The concept of mirror neurons has enabled us to better determine people’s intentions when they carry out certain behaviours. It is also what enables us to empathize so well with others.

Mirror neurons contribute to our understanding of other people’s emotions and how they’re feeling, by helping us put ourselves in their position.

I’m sure you’ve experienced being surrounded by someone who is distressed and then started feeling a little uneasy yourself too. This is also why they say that smiling is contagious. It quite literally is.

https://questcampsofsocal.com/neuroplasticity-and-the-importance-of-feeling-grateful/

The Neuroscience of Leadership

Another remarkable concept that I’ll briefly go over is how mirror neurons plays a role in leadership. People who are charismatic and confident exude a certain aura that makes us feel comfortable and heard.

Empathy is a key skill for effective leadership, because you’re able to show others that you understand what they’re going through. Mirror neurons are also vital in subconsciously mimicking people we’re socializing with. We often end up copying certain gestures, phrases, behaviours and facial expressions to connect with those around us.

By understanding how these subconscious attributes affect our interactions, we can all actively engage in becoming better leaders.

This topic is still deeply under-researched and there’s a lot of work to be done in thoroughly understanding how mirror neurons work. The concept is extremely fascinating to me, even if it’s just at surface level.

I hope I’ve managed to intrigue your curiosity about neuroscience and how incredible our brains truly are. Our empathetic nature is highly-dependent on our ability to detect the emotions in other people and then feel them for ourselves.

Keep in mind that observational learning is a powerful tool that we shouldn’t undermine. Finally, surround yourself with people who are better than you to make a powerful impact on your subconscious.

These insights will definitely amplify your ability to become a life-long learner and a courageous leader. Stay strong, vulnerable and always curious. You are truly blessed.

References:

https://sites.psu.edu/psych256su16-2/2016/06/28/mirror-neurons/

https://inspireone.in/blog/mirror-neurons-neuroscience-leadership/