Emotional Availability

You might wonder how I come up with the different topics to write on my blog each week. I essentially look out for trends in my own life, in my social circle, in my family, or just online.

The concept of emotional availability is incredibly fascinating to me, as it essentially determines your capacity to handle other people’s emotions. This is typically seen in a romantic aspect, but can also apply to platonic friendships.

I’d like to think out loud today and talk about a few things that come to mind when I hear about emotional availability. Let’s discuss how our experiences shape who we are, how being aware of our own emotional availability plays a role in our approach to relationships, how the work we put into ourselves cascades into other people and why we should learn about our own love language.

Dalai Lama XIV Quote: “An open heart is an open mind.” (21 ...

Our experiences and who we are

To me, emotional availability is the capacity we have to sustain an emotional connection in a relationship. It’s essentially a combination of our willingness and ability to connect with the emotions of other people. This would essentially require continuous vulnerability and trust with the other person.

Let’s go down the psychotherapy train and talk about childhood. First thing’s first, I think our perceptions of love and what romance is all about typically stems from the early years of our life. It evolves as we watch our parents interact, our family member engage, what we see in movies , and from books that we’ve read. We carry these expectations with us as we enter relationships, which then gives us our own experience and realizations.

Lindsay Wagner Quote: “When we shift our perception, our ...

Moving forward to where we are now, I think our most recent experience of being in some form of romantic or platonic relationship deeply impacts our emotional availability status. A breakup that ended badly, a friend that betrayed us, or even complicated family dynamics, can make it difficult for us to approach people with vulnerability and trust.

These are not necessarily the only factors that affect how emotionally available we are. There are some people who are just in a phase in their life where they’re not prepared for a new relationship. They’re focusing on their academics/career, their families, or they just haven’t done enough work on themselves.

This can lead to us being emotionally ‘unavailable’, where we find it difficult to open ourselves up and let other people into our lives. So how do we move forward with these insights?

Self-awareness and our approach to relationships

I’m sure by now you would’ve noticed that the key input to understanding one’s emotional availability is to have some level of self-awareness. This can be achieved by continuously reflecting on the experiences that have deeply impacted our view on relationships.

The more effort we consciously put into understanding our own biases, assumptions and interpretations, the more likely we are to approach people less defensively. Not every situation is going to be the same. Not every relationship is going to turn out like the one you’ve experienced.

The world is incredibly diverse. The more we’re able to bring our most authentic selves to the table, and the more vulnerable we’re willing to be, the more we’ll be be able to love ourselves and those around us.

Learning our own love language

We each have our own unique love language. It’s precedent in our experiences and upbringing as I’ve already mentioned. The issue with everyone having a different love language is that it can often cause friction when they’re misaligned. If what makes me feel special makes you feel overwhelmed, it’s not necessarily effective to replicate.

The importance of this is that we want to try and learn our own love language so that we can articulate it well enough to others, to avoid being disappointed by our expectations. Like I said, what works for me might not work for you. This links back to the previous section because when we have an understanding of what works for us, we can then realize that we’d need to curate our approach of love to different people.

Hint: I’d love all of the above pls

When you try to make other people feel special or loved, don’t necessarily look at what you’d want for yourself. Look at how they typically approach the same thing and what has generally made them feel excited or appreciated.

I hope you’ve taken away some insights from the thoughts that I’ve shared today. Being aware of your own emotional availability will make it easier to set boundaries in future relationships. It will allow you to learn more about yourself and other people. When you think about it from a love language perspective, you’ll realize that everyone has their own set of conditions. All the best with the journey ahead! You got this.

Let’s Do It, Again

Good day beloved reader! I hope the past few days have been nothing less than extraordinary. So much has changed since my last post, especially the date on my calendar. Nonetheless, I hope you’ve taken some time out to reflect over the past year. You’ve gone through a lot. Despite not coming out unscathed, you’ve come out wiser, smarter and a lot more resilient.

In seems quite common in our day and age to attempt to make the new year ‘ours’. I’ve never really understood that concept, hence why I’m going to try argue against it. Let’s talk about making every day ours, reaching for the stars and learning from mistakes.

Strive to be your best, every day

We’ve all started a new year at some point saying: ‘This is going to be my year! I’m going to finally work out, start reading more, start eating better and get my sh*t together.’

It always lasts a few days, maybe weeks, maybe even months. But then the momentum wears out and it feels like we’re back to square one again. That’s just human nature.

Have you ever thought about how we’re the only species that makes a big deal about the new year? It’s basically celebrating when Earth orbits around the sun. What we should really take heed of, is the fact that we’re not even guaranteed another day. The goal should be striving to be better each and every day, not just at the beginning of a new year.

With that being said, there’s definitely a psychological advantage to starting on a clean slate, especially at the dawn of a new year. Make sure your intentions are aligned with your values every single day.

Reach for the stars

More often than not, we set our own limitations. When it comes to dreams and ambitions, there is no need to be overly cautious. As we set the bar high for ourselves and strive to do our best, we push past our own limits and grow more than we ever imagined possible.

The world has enough challenges and there are a significant amount of factors trying to pull us down. We shouldn’t add to that and further limit ourselves.

Learn from your experiences

I recently read that it’s clever to learn from your own mistakes, but it’s wise to learn from the mistakes of others. In order to progress rapidly and grow, you need to carefully reflect over your experiences.

We’re impeccable feedback machines. We were algorithms before they were computerized. We take in data, process them, make decisions and achieve certain outcomes. The outcomes then become data and help us make better decisions.

The point I’m trying to make is that each day is a source of data. All you need to do is consciously process them and see how your decisions influenced those outcomes. Continuously improve the quality of those outcomes by making better decisions.

Sometimes it feels like the world is burning and everything is falling apart. We’ve been experiencing pain and discomfort unparalleled to previous years. Ultimately, it’s all meant to be. We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. It’s okay if you’re feel scared. It’s okay if you’re feeling tired. It’s okay if you just to want to give up.

Realize that you’re like a diamond. You take time and pressure to form. Every time something feels uncomfortable, every time you face a setback or a loss, ever time things don’t go according to plan, it’s a sign that we’re transforming and being re-directed. Don’t lose hope. Don’t despair. You will get through this. I believe in you.

Travelling

2018 was by far the most eventful year of my life. I was lucky enough to explore different parts of the world, experience cultures I never imagined I would & just overall learn to appreciate everything I have. In today’s blog post, I’m going to speak about the benefits of travelling and how it can help shape you as a person.

You leave your comfort zone.

When you find yourself in a foreign city, almost everything you experience will be unfamiliar in a way. The streets you walk in, the people you see, the food you eat, the culture you immerse yourself in & even the language you try to speak. It’s a constant journey of learning and adapting, which is incredible for you as a person. Your mind sort of changes when you’re constantly in a state of adapting: you improvise faster, you accept the discomfort, embrace the language barriers & indulge in the weird food delicacies. This teaches you a lot more than just how to live in other cultures, it teaches you life lessons. Skills that you can cultivate in other aspects of your life and develop you as a person. You also meet the coolest people from different places and become life-long friends with them.

Opens your mind.

You notice how different life is for other people in different parts of the world. It also helps you realize that you aren’t the centre of the world. So often we get caught up in our own bubble with mundane issues, that we don’t realize we’re here for a greater purpose. There’s so much to discover out there and we should never limit ourselves to what’s in front of us. Travelling allows you to see how different yet similar we all are, and that people struggle with the same issues more than you would’ve ever imagined.
Remember: Growth only occurs in a state of discomfort.

Makes you grateful.

Honestly one of the most important aspects of travelling is how grateful it makes you. When struggling to find food that we’re used to or people that we can easily speak to, you sometimes start to miss home. You become grateful for how comfortable your life is and how easy things are. You see how much better off you are in comparison, and learn not to take everything for granted. Contrary to that tho, you also become grateful for how incredible life is in other places. You stare in awe at how magnificent the snow-capped mountains look, or how calm and majestic the lakes running through the country-side are. When you stop for a moment to actually take in how beautiful this planet is, it makes you think for a second about the way we’re treating it and how we can do better.

Enhances creativity.

Another wonderful aspect about constantly observing foreign features, is that it allows you to see things you usually wouldn’t. I’ve mentioned that before but this is seeing things in a different perspective. From the artworks & architecture to the food and culture. From an artistic point of view, the more you expose yourself to, the larger your database is. So without realizing it, you’re inclined to becoming more creative and more diverse with the way you express yourself. When studying the works of great artists, you learn more about yourself through them and it changes you.

Self-discovery.

The final point I’ll speak about is how travelling allows you to discover yourself. It’s paradoxical in the sense where, when you learn about the world around you, in turn you learn more about yourself. When dealing with yourself in all these different situations, you kind of figure out more about you! There’s always so much to learn and the entire process aids in forming a better relationship with yourself. Here’s a remarkable quotes to summarize it all:
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” – Anthony Bourdain

Honestly so grateful to my parents for allowing me to constantly travel and experience the world. It’s one of the best things that you can do for yourself. It allows you to leave your comfort zone, opens your mind, makes you more appreciative of life, enhances your creativity and gives you insight on yourself. My advice to you is to just travel! Material gain and accumulation is amazing yes, but nothing will compare to the experiences and memories you form from exploring the world.

One life. One shot. #NoRegrets