Taking Life for Granted

I’ve been reflecting over my experiences lately and I’ve come to realize that we take a lot of life for granted. Whether it’s the people in our life, our health, our wealth or even the food on the table, we often find ways to get complacent and ‘expect’ it all to be there day after day.

A really close friend of mine was recently diagnosed with a very serious illness, and it was heartbreaking to hear. Not only because of the thought that I might lose him, but also because I would’ve never expected something like that to happen to ‘us’; considering how young and full of energy we are.

We’ve also been through a lot in terms of the civil unrest + the third wave of the pandemic here in South Africa. I’ll touch more on that in next week’s post.

Today’s post is going to be a familiar talk on gratitude. The emphasis, however, will be on ways to improve our daily engagements to appreciate life a little more. There are some incredibly simple steps that we can take to make a worthwhile difference. Let’s talk about observing nature, being more vulnerable, expressing our feelings, showing gratitude and appreciating ourselves.

Nature nature nature

I keep coming back to the concept of spending time in nature because I honestly think we all really underestimate the power it has on our psyche. One of the ways in which I personally make the most of my day is by spending some time surrounded by nature; whether it’s in the garden, watching the sunrise/sunset, going for a walk, listening to the birds or even just staring at the clouds.

Just like we constantly need to be connected to the internet, we need to also find ways to be connected to the planet. The more we are able to appreciate the gifts that are all around us, the less likely we will feel like we’re taking life for granted.

It sucks now that we’ve entered multiple lockdowns, we have travel restrictions, inflation and taxes are making things more expensive, we can’t really socialize or adventure as much as we used to. What can we do tho? Strengthen our relationship with nature and mindfully observe how we’re all interconnected – find ways to transcend mass consciousness.

Vulnerability and expressing our feelings

One of the ways in which we undermine our capacity to live life to the fullest is by falling short of telling people how we truly feel about them. We are not vulnerably honest enough. We keep beating around the bush, hiding our feelings and waiting for some future state of preparedness.

It’s not too late to start telling the people who mean the world to you, how much you truly love and care for them. In fact, we should make it a regular habit to do just that. We often get caught up our worldly demands, that we tend to neglect those who are closest to us.

Tell them you love them more often. SHOW them you love them more often. Stop waiting for a birthday, an anniversary, a special occasion. The more love you give to the world (and yourself), the more love will be returned to us.

Appreciating ourselves

We appreciate ourselves when we’re able to truly cherish who we are as individuals. As flawed, as weird, as imperfect as we may be, there’s still so much that we’re remarkable at. More and more, we’ve been conditioned into a very specific societal view of what ‘normal’ is meant to be. We ache to fit in and ensure we’re not outcasts; it’s part of our DNA (survival depended on us conforming to group norms).

We’ve reached a point in time tho, where we don’t need that same level of conformity. We shouldn’t have to force ourselves to change who we are, to be loved and appreciated (within certain limits, obviously). We should start appreciating our quirks and realize that it’s what makes us unique. It’s what differentiates us from the rest of the population.

You are incredibly special. You have so much to offer the world and those around you. You are loved. You are capable. And you are absolutely worth it.

Don’t lose hope and stay grateful

Energy follows focus.

It’s always about being thankful. It’s always about appreciating other people. About appreciating what we have. About focusing on our blessings.

It’s been rather chaotic over the past few months, so many different reasons. Yet, our blessings and all that we have is still immeasurable. Don’t lose hope. Don’t despair. Have faith. Trust the process. You will get through this. Faster, stronger and braver than ever before.

It may seem impossible now, but you’ll think back and be astonished at what you’ve accomplished. Take care of those around you as much as you can. Spend enough time in nature. Express your love and affection to those you care about.

“Live for the present like you’ll die tomorrow. Plan for the future like you’ll live forever.”

Why Do We Complain So Much?

I’m so tired. I’m so busy. This is so unfair. I hate it here. It’s so hard. Why do I have to work so much? Why can’t I just sleep all day? It’s not as nice as I expected. This sucks.

We seem to be surrounded by people who flourish on complaining. It’s almost romanticized in a way, given how common it is on social media. In today’s post, I’d like to emphasize the difference between letting out things that are bothering you (venting) and focusing on the negative aspects of your life (complaining).

There’s a very interesting thing that happens to our mindset when we stop focusing on what’s going well in our lives. We become complacent and accustomed to a certain level on ingratitude. Let’s unpack how to properly vent, what to do when you feel like complaining, the power of gratitude and how to help other people.

How to properly vent

It’s often incredibly helpful for us to let out our thoughts and troubles. When we engage in dialogue, it allows us to make sense of the chaos in our minds, in order for us to structure it for other people to understand.

Venting is a common way for us to do just that. To comprehend our own problems and articulate it well enough for others to give valuable input. It does however, require a few criteria to be in place. This includes trust, psychological safety and a willingness for us to be vulnerable.

When we start talking to other people about our issues, we need to make sure we’re not just playing victim and complaining about everything. This might make us feel better temporarily, but it can also burden the other party by making them deal with the consequence of our negative energy.

What we should do instead is clearly express how the situation made us feel, instead of bashing the situation itself. Being objective here can be quite useful, to specify the aspects that are actually bothering us. When we’re with people we trust and have a sense of psychological safety around, it typically induces us to be vulnerable.

That’s the main difference between venting and complaining; our willingness to be vulnerable and express our emotions, compared to just focusing on the negative aspects of the situation.

What to do when you feel like complaining

For many of us, it becomes a habit to just start complaining. It’s the first thing we do when things don’t go according to plan (which happens more often than we’d like). So what can we do when we have the urge to start complaining?

The answer lies in a bit of self-awareness. We need to first start understanding the underlying emotions that we’re feeling. This could be feeling frustrated, upset, annoyed, angry, fed up, lonely or just stressed. Once you’re able to identify the feeling itself, learn to accept it.

Acceptance is a key ingredient here yet again. Understand that first and foremost, the feeling is temporary. It will pass. You will get through it. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. We tend to overlook that fact when we’re in the crux of things.

Just try and take a step back and look at things from the bigger picture. You’re learning. You’re growing. The experience will help you evolve. What you should do instead, is find actionable steps to overcome the issue.

Complaining doesn’t bring you any closer to the solution. Focus on finding ways to deal with the problem or to even just understanding it better, you’ll be amazed by how much easier life can be.

The power of gratitude

Remember, energy follows focus. Which means that our power lies in our ability to focus. When we’re able to channel our focus onto our blessings and what’s working well in our lives, we start directing energy into our potential and abundance.

Instead of complaining (or focusing on what isn’t going well), try and re-direct your thoughts into what is going well. This will have a profound impact on your mood, energy levels, motivation and ability to get things done.

Gratitude is the appreciation we experience in the present moment for something we’re blessed with. We’re all blessed immeasurably. You can never count all your blessings, but I suggest you try it out and write down a few things. Do this every morning before you start your day and you’ll immediately start experiencing life a little differently.

After a while, you’ll start appreciating the struggle. You’ll be able to handle the challenges life throws out you more readily. More than just that, you’ll be a lot more joyful and full of energy.

Helping other people

If all else fails when you’re trying to resist complaining, try helping out other people instead. More often than not, this will give you perspective into the problems other people are dealing with, which could help you empathise with them and see your own issues in a new light.

I don’t like to say ‘look at how much better off you are than other people’, because the point isn’t to undermine your own issues. The point is to understand that everyone has issues. Everyone is dealing with certain struggles.

If you can make life easier for just 1 other person, you’ve contributed significantly. This will build momentum and you might even try and make your own life easier (we tend to complicate things for ourselves a lot more than we need to).

What I want to leave you with is this: Focus more on solutions, what you can control, understanding the problem itself, being grateful for what you have and helping out other people as often as possible. Complaining is not the same thing as venting. Be very cautious of that. You don’t want to unnecessarily burden other people, and you don’t want to waste your own energy either. We need all the energy that we can get.

Stop complaining and start focusing on what truly matters.

What You Appreciate, Appreciates

We’re now entering the final few weeks of 2020. Despite the innumerable challenges that have come our way, we’ve managed to find a way through. People have constantly complained and found reasons to focus on what they don’t have, instead of focusing more on what they do have.

I want to talk about gratitude again. It’s a recurring theme here on Memento Mori, for valid reasons. We all need reminders, constantly. Starting with myself tbh. So let’s focus on our blessings and see how that helps us finish off the year with a bang.

First thing in the morning

Here’s a reflection point: What’s the first thing you do as soon as you wake up in the morning?

I know that each and every one of you will have a completely different answer, so I just want you to think about it for yourself. Does that habit help you kick-start the day? Is it aligned with your values? Does it energize you? Does it make you feel good?

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. But try this out for at least 1 week. Focus on how blessed you are first thing in the morning.

• The roof above your head
• The comfortable bed you slept in
• The fresh air that you’re breathing
• Your body and all your functioning organs
• The opportunities that are coming your way

Most importantly, that you’re blessed to have another day. Use the chance you’ve been given to do better than you did the previous day. Keep up this mindset and you’ll start feeling a lot more content and grounded.

Throughout the day

It’s easy to start the day with a win. It’s hard to maintain that win throughout the day. Things don’t go according to plan. People frustrate us. Work starts to get stressful. Errands get annoying. There’s a lot that we can find to complain about.

An important aspect of mindfulness is being able to monitor your thoughts without attachment or judgement. When you do start to notice those thoughts creeping up, observe them, write them down, let them go.

Energy follows focus.

Change the thought pattern into something a little more beneficial. Instead of being impatient or frustrated with others, focus on how you’re benefiting them. Your sustenance could be due to your assistance to others. Thank other people as often as you can, even for the simplest of favours.

Last thing before you go to bed

To complete this wonderful cycle, focus on being grateful just before you go to bed. It’ll really ease you into sleep, especially if you struggle with falling asleep quickly. Recap the best aspects of your day and clear all the negative energy. Here are a few things to focus on:

• The meals you ate throughout the day.
• The wonderful people you interacted with.
• Your education, as well as opportunities to learn, grow and expand.
• The lessons you learned.
• Your legs for allowing you to move around. Your hands for assisting you in getting tasks done. Your eyes for helping you see the world. Your ears for helping you listen and your mouth for allowing you to communicate.

Blessed

It’s easy to focus on things that aren’t working out. It’s easy to play victim. It’s easy to lose your focus on and complain. Like I’ve always mentioned, doing what’s easy is not going to help you grow. You need to push yourself a little, each and everyday. Even if it’s just pushing limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.

The more you give the more you get.

Practice gratitude not only by focusing on what you have, but by giving what you have. You’ll notice the way that feeling spreads and ripples across everyone you encounter. We genuinely don’t have much longer. It’s time to shift our focus and stop complaining; there’s so much more to be thankful for.

In light of this topic, I’d like to thank you all for everything. For your time, for your energy, for your support. It’s thanks to you that I feel inspired to write every week and share the little knowledge that I have with the world. It truly is appreciated.

Give thanks. Spread love. Inspire joy. Stay present.

Why Exercise Is Important

I’ve started going to the gym again after taking a pretty long break. Over the past few months, I was still keeping a little active – surfing, jogging and playing soccer – but it wasn’t enough. Due to the prolonged period of inactivity, I became a lot more prone to injuries. Today, I want to speak to you about the benefits that I’ve personally experienced from working out.

As with all habits, always remember to start with why. Keep your intentions clear and aligned with your values. The more the benefits of what you’re trying to do are clear, the more likely you are to stay consistent.

I’ll dive into the mental health benefits, the physical health benefits, developing consistency, a growth mindset and mental sharpness.

Mental Health and Self-esteem

You’ve probably heard this before but I’m here to reiterate the point, your physical health and mental health are interlinked. The better you take care of your physical needs (i.e. Exercise regularly, sleep well, eat healthy), the better your mental health will be.

The interesting thing about exercise is that it’s an incredible distraction. All you focus on when you’re working out is the next rep, the next mile or the next stretch. You narrow down your concentration and form some kind of tunnel vision, allowing you to de-stress.

When you feel good about your body, your self-esteem naturally boosts. This has tremendous benefits to your psyche, because your inner self-talk plays a critical role in your day-to-day activities.

Next time you’re feeling lazy to work out or go for a jog, think of how much better you’ll feel when those muscles are burning. Not only will you have more mental clarity, but you’ll also have more confidence in yourself.

Physical Health and Longevity

This is a bit more obvious. Exercising improves your physical health (Duh). To ensure that your body functions effectively, you need to constantly keep it active. A simple way to think about it is like a car. If you keep it static and stagnant for a long period of time, things can go in many different ways.

The circulation in your body also helps deliver blood more efficiently to the different organs, as well as your brain. This relationship helps cells recover faster and keeps you healthier, for longer. In essence, keeping fit helps you survive for longer (keeping in mind that the time you pass on has already been written and is inevitable).

Consistency

An invaluable skillset. I talk about this quite a lot, but this habit emphasizes it perfectly. You only get better, fitter and stronger when you exercise consistently. It’s also quite incredible how you can transfer this mindset into other areas of your life.

How you are in one part of your life is how you are in all parts of your life. You can’t separate who you are. The way you carry yourself at work, at home, at the gym, on the field, whilst studying, inevitably leaks into all other areas. Focus on giving everything your best shot.

“What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while.”

Keep at it. Don’t stop after a week or 2. Don’t even stop after a month or 2. Just keep at it for a few months and make improvements on your weak spots. This brings me to my next point, having a growth mindset.

Growth Mindset

I absolutely love talking about this concept because it’s such an important part of life. You have to believe in overcoming the discomfort. You have to believe that the struggle is making you stronger. You have to believe that pushing yourself past your limits will lead to growth.

This is easily proven when you’re doing any kind of exercise. Whether it’s lifting weights, running a half marathon, working on difficult yoga poses or just stretching. You need to continuously exert yourself and see how that allows you to reach your goals.

You’ve got to learn to love the burn. This will then allow you to build on your resilience; which as you should know, works exactly like a muscle.

Energy and Mental Sharpness

I’ve already mentioned how the blood circulates to your brain better when you exercise. This in turn gives you energy and an ability to focus. You’re training yourself mentally as much as you are physically, and the benefits are holistic.

The point of this blog post was to motivate you to get up and get going. There’s always a million and one excuses why we can’t exercise. I’ve hopefully given you a million and one reasons to make it a priority. Start small and keep consistent, even if it’s just a 15 minute walk everyday.

If you say ‘I don’t have the time’, you need to carefully re-arrange your priorities. Taking out the time to exercise will not only help you stay fit, but it will also give you more energy, help with your mental health, and allows you to develop consistency, resilience and a growth mindset.