I haven’t been able to post in the past 2 weeks because Uni got the better of me. Let’s face it, we’ve all experienced tremendous discomfort or stress at some point in the past few months. In today’s post, I’d like to talk about the skills that I’ve developed because of that.
This will relate to my previous post on breathing, where I tried to encourage a mindfulness technique for maintaining calm. This time, it’s more about approaching difficulties with a growth mindset. Here are 5 key points that I’ve taken away from experiencing discomfort.
Faith
Resilience
Patience
Compromise
Gratitude
Faith
Let’s start with Faith. Your fundamental beliefs and your values define the way you view the world. You need to have a sense of purpose, a why, otherwise you won’t understand the reason behind the suffering.
I’m grateful to be a Muslim, as Islam has shaped the way I engage with difficulties and finding a sense of purpose. The mindset and outlook I have towards my life experiences are largely shaped by my faith.
You’ve got to trust in the process. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. Keep this beautiful quote in mind:
“What’s meant for you will never miss you, what misses you was never meant for you.”
When you start accepting how much is out of your control, it brings a sense of calmness. Focus on what you can do. Focus on your perception. This brings me to the next point, resilience.
Resilience
I absolutely love the concept of resilience because it resonates with everything that I do. It’s about constantly trying your best, regardless of the setbacks and hardship you face.
It’s also important to understand that our failures are ultimately our greatest teachers. When we decide to face those fears and tackle the problems head on, we start to develop resilience.
It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to blame others. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to throw a pity party. But that’s not what leads to growth. That’s not what helps you succeed. That’s not what will benefit you in the long run.
Next time you experience something profoundly difficult or painful, remember how much it’s going to help you grow. Every day is just a set of new problems. It’s doesn’t get any easier, you just get better at solving it.
Patience
Being patient is another crucial skill you’ll need throughout your life. It’s something you will encounter in every single task you experience. Being patient is about training your mind to accept the inevitable. To slow down. To stay calm. To remain level-headed.
You need to be patient with the process. You can’t rush through and expect everything to work out. Life is more of a marathon than a sprint. You need to pace yourself and focus on your breath work.
Don’t get worked up on things that are out of your control. Focus on what you can do. Take it easy dude, you got this. Let’s see how adaptation plays a role in all this.
Compromise
Things almost always never go according to plan. You’ll realize that sooner or later. Compromising isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about accepting that you have to change your plan when things hits the fan.
This is generally a combination of the previous points. With faith, resilience and patience, you can learn to rapidly adapt to unexpected challenges. Think about how many times things took longer than they should’ve? If you account for contingencies and plan for the worst-case scenario, you’re less likely to get overwhelmed.
Gratitude
Easily the most important skill (or value) to gain. If you view things from a lens of gratitude, everything is there to help you grow. You start appreciating the little things in life a lot more too. You realize how much you take for granted on a daily basis; be it your time, energy, wealth or health.
When you experience difficulty of any sort, focus on what’s going well in your life. I know this can be particularly challenging, especially when sprawling into negativity is so much easier. But really think about how blessed you truly are. Think about all that you’ve managed to gain or retain during the challenging time.
You’re gaining life skills. You’re more resilient. You’re more patient. You’re learning to work hard. You’re still breathing. You still have food to eat. You have access to the internet (and therefore, to education). You have access to electricity. To shelter. To warmth. To clean water.
Don’t ever forget about everything that you do have when things start getting tough.
It’s critical to establish honest communication with yourself (and those who are important to you). If you’re clear about what’s going well and what isn’t, you’ll have a better idea of how to prepare. You’ll also be able to articulate how you’re feeling to those around you; allowing them to assist you where possible.
This post just covers a few simple points to think about next time you experience something difficult. As I already said, life is just a process of solving problems; every day there’s going to be a new challenge.
Trust the process and have faith. Understand how this all builds up your resilience. You’ve got to remain patient and stay level-headed. You need to learn to adapt and overcome. You need to focus on what you have and be thankful. Failure is just a stepping stone to success. You got this!
We hear it over and over again, how important it is to work in a team. Sometimes it can be frustrating, sometimes annoying, sometimes incredibly rewarding. So what differentiates a team that produces outstanding work, compared to those who just wish it was all over?
Let’s dive a little more into effective communication, empathy, trust and feedback. I’ve touched on these topics before, but it’s important to see how they connect to each other.
Communication
Why is this so critical? Because being able to clearly articulate your thoughts, feelings and expectations is paramount to successfully working in a team. Here are a few tips to practice when working in a team:
Start with why – have a set intention for the project.
Have consistent meetings and keep each other updated.
Make sure the goals are clear for each responsible party.
Have metrics in place to ensure that people are held accountable.
Be honest when you’re stuck or confused.
Give constructive feedback regularly.
It’s always valuable to have your intentions aligned at the very beginning of a project. This ensures that all members understand the purpose of working together and have a common objective.
The second point talks about having consistent meetings. This has been tremendously beneficial for me, especially working from home. Having a set routine for meetings, where the minutes are being taken, allows people to constantly stay up to date with what’s going on. It also means you can regularly discuss any ideas or setbacks that you’re facing.
Ensure that once you’ve delegated certain roles, the goals for each member are accurate. They know exactly what to prepare before the internal deadline. This doesn’t necessarily mean they know what to do from the get-go, but they need to know what they’re working towards.
Have metrics in place to ensure that those goals are being met. Whether it’s a page of the report, a programming code, a section of the simulation, anything really. When the metrics are known, they can be held accountable.
Getting frustrated or stuck is an evitable aspect of project work. What’s important here is to make sure you’re speaking to other people about what’s going on. Perhaps they could help you or refer you to someone who could. When all group members understand where the other person is (in terms of progress), it makes it easier for them to feel comfortable and confident in the work being done (or not). This requires a great deal of trust and empathy.
I’ll discuss feedback in a little more detail further below, but it’s an important part of communication too. You need to criticize well on a regular basis, to improve the quality of the overall work.
Empathy and listening
Ahh, emotional intelligence strikes again. Being empathetic is crucial to any important relationship you have in your life. When you can make the other person feel heard and understood, it opens up the door to vulnerability and honesty.
When you see that people aren’t delivering or struggling to meet internal deadlines, try and understand things from their perspective. Are there any problems going on behind the scenes? Are they feeling unusually stressed or anxious? Maybe they’re having issues at home?
Being a good listener plays a critical role here. You need to remain mindful, curious and nonjudgmental when holding the space for other people. I think this is a great leadership quality; allowing people to ask silly questions and truly speak to you about what’s on their mind.
Trust
This essentially builds on the previous topic. Trust is formed through active listening and being reliable. You need to commit to your word and show up when you promise to. Things are never going to be perfect, but you need to show other people that you are capable of delivering up to the expected quality.
Trust also involves a certain level of integrity. When you respect the team boundaries, when you don’t unnecessarily expose other people’s flaws, when people feel comfortable being vulnerable.
I need to trust you to deliver. I need to trust you not to share everything I bring up to you. I need to trust you to be there for me when I’m struggling. I need to trust you to give this your very best.
Feedback
I’ve also spoken about this before on my post ‘The Psychology of Motivation‘. Delivering feedback and constructive criticism is an extremely important part of the development loop. You have to show people what’s working and what isn’t. You need to constantly update the expectations and ensure everyone is learning from their mistakes.
This is a really difficult process. For both, the person giving the feedback and for the person receiving it. However, if you’ve managed to successfully build trust, empathy and effective communication, it makes it a little more bearable.
Remember why feedback is important. It’s to help the other person develop and improve the quality of their work. When giving feedback, always bring up what’s working well first. Remind them of their strong points. Make the other person understand that you’re doing this to help them. Be as objective as possible. Offer support where you can to help them out too.
When you’re on the receiving end, keep an open mind. Watch out for your ego. Don’t see it as an attack or a source of demotivation. You can’t expect to be perfect every time. Absorb the wisdom given by your peers, they see things that might be in your blind spot.
Don’t take things personally.
To put it all together, you’re going to work in a team whether you like it or not. No one can do it on their own. Despite how independent or solo your work may seem, there are always people you will need help from. Integrating certain tools can help you work more effectively with people, especially if you’re striving to be a great leader.
Ensure that constant communication is in place. Hold the space for people to speak to you about what’s truly bothering them. Build the relationships on a foundation of trust and integrity. Give constant feedback so that everyone can improve.
“Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right”
Keep trying your best. If it’s challenging and difficult, it means you’re on the path to growth. You got this.
Do you also really love sharing memes? Have you found it easy to virtually communicate with family and friends recently? Why do we enjoy posting pics of us travelling?
How often do we focus on the benefits that we derive from social media? Okay maybe a few of you addicts have those ready for argument’s sake, but I mean it from a place of inspiration, guidance and service.
I’ve been asked to write an alternative view to my older post about social media. I’ll discuss how we’re able to stay connected, being a source of inspiration, finding motivation, using creative outlets, learning to surf the web and understanding two sides of a story.
Let’s dive into some healthy perspectives and learn how to face the digital tsunami we’re inevitably experiencing.
Staying connected
The lock down has shown us what a monumental resource technology has been, especially connecting through social media. We’re able to stay in touch with our friends and family from all over the world, doing so now more than ever before.
Video calling friends and family can be incredibly healing, especially when you can’t travel to see them. I think we have a lot to be grateful for, especially the fact that we’re not dealing with the 1918 pandemic. Imagine if the only way to communicate with the rest of the world was through pigeons?
Shutterstock
I do hope that your communication extends further than liking and commenting on posts, as that isn’t really ‘connecting’.
Being a source of inspiration
We have an incredible ability to influence people on social media. Why not utilize this to help other people? If you ever feel like you’d want to serve a cause greater than yourself, it’s now easier than ever before to do just that.
Social media enables us to post about aspects of our lives that could benefit other people. Sharing your exercise regime, your daily habits, the recipes for your Insta-worthy food, your studying routine, your poetry, your philosophy, how you deal with your mental health and so much more, can all greatly encourage people.
There are various ways for us to make the most of our time spent on social media, we just have to be conscious of the energy and content we upload / expose ourselves to.
So long as we’re intentional about why we do what we do, we can all contribute positively.
Creative outlet
As mentioned above regarding sources of inspiration, social media can be used as a creative outlet. It allows people to make a living off sharing their art and what truly matters to them. Remember that art isn’t restricted to a specific genre like drawing. It’s about finding a way to express yourself and allowing people to connect with you in a unique way.
This has also enabled us to work from home and keep going with ‘business as usual’. Being in lock-down has been an incredible source of creativity for many people, as we’ve finally made time to focus more on what matters.
It has also enabled people to start thinking genuinely about what they want to achieve in their life. We’re not limited to 9-5 jobs in an office desk anymore. We have the world at our very fingertips.
Finding motivation
When things get overwhelming and difficult, we can search for ways to stay motivated. There are so many people who upload content specifically to encourage people, to keep them going, to help them stay on track. If you’re ever feeling a little overwhelmed, learn about how others deal with that same feeling.
Sharing our stories and accomplishments can allow us to be a source of motivation to others. When you see other people overcoming hurdles, it empowers you to keep trying. When you see that you’re not alone in this, it helps you feel related to.
This all depends on how well you’re able to work the algorithms and keep your feed in check. We need to learn about exposing ourselves to relevant content.
Learning how to surf the internet
For us to adequately deal with waves of change, we need to learn how to surf. The internet is just a bunch of web-pages that represent gnarly waves. We have to make sure we tread the waters carefully, by studying and actively seeking ways to understand it.
Here’s a great YouTube series to help you with that:
There’s a lot of chaos and misinformation amongst the memes and selfies. We need to become aware of how fake news also tends to go viral; spreading corruption in a different form.
We need to find a balance. The very same resources that we use to empower ourselves, can be used against us. The quality of our relationships, our attention span, the subconscious and even childhood development are all being heavily influenced by the presence of social media and technology.
Two sides of a story
How often have you found yourself defending a story after hearing only 1 side of it? You trust that person or source, therefore, believe them entirely without doing your own research.
We need to understand that social media, like all media platforms, feed off engagement. When people post offensive or contradictory statements, it gains traction and starts trending. We all hop on the bandwagon and join in, further fueling engagement.
So my point here is that we’re barely able to hear two sides of a story IRL, imagine how much tougher it is on social media? We just need to be intentional and a little more conscious of how we’re allowing the technology to seep into every aspect of our lives.
A wise man once said: “Stay woke.”
Regardless of what your stance is, you need to become adept at navigating digital information.
We can find resources to stay motivated and use ourselves to inspire others. We can unleash our creativity in incredible ways and share it with the world around us. There’s so much that we have to be thankful for, especially how we’re able to stay connected using social media.
It’s just as important to stay aware of the influence social media has on us. We need to put in a little effort to understand the navigation, so that we don’t drown in information. There’s much more to it than the click-bait or headline.
I’d like to thank you for your time and support, it always means a great deal to me. We’re all in this together, so we should always share whatever beneficial knowledge we have. I’m going to end this by repeating the quote I used in my previous post on social media.
“We don’t have a choice on whether we do social media, the question is how well we do it.”
Just want to start by reminding myself and those of you who don’t know, why I started this blog. My aim with these posts is ‘Aspire to Inspire’. To gain a better understanding of the knowledge I’ve acquired, put it into use, and share it with as many people as possible.
If you find this useful, please subscribe using your email to get the posts regularly, like and share it with those who may also find it helpful.
The philosophy I’m trying to adhere to is that ‘The teacher learns the most’. So even if you just try and explain what you learn to other people, you’ll make so much more sense of it. I appreciate each and every one of you who have read and supported me through this; thank you for your time.
I was thinking of the best way to describe this topic, especially since it’s a domain I’m trying to work on quite rigorously. I’ll be going through quite a few aspects of leadership, the most important factor here being communication.
As usual, I’ll be reminding you of things I’ve mentioned in a previous post, namely the one about communication (I recommend you go over it considering how relevant it is to this topic, if you have the time to). The source of inspiration for this topic is from: Dare to lead, by Brene Brown.
We’ll start with why, and unravel the various reasons behind leadership, and how you first need to take ownership of yourself. We can then start seeing how communication plays a role in being an effective leader, through vulnerability, courage & empathy. Finally, we’ll dive into some tips on being a more effective leader and how the best way to lead, is by example.
“Daring leadership is ultimately about serving others, not ourselves. That’s why we choose courage.”
Start with why
Let’s start with a little curiosity, why should we even try to become better leaders? A lot of us (myself included) tend to have a misconception regarding who leaders are. We see leaders as those who take responsibility, run projects, captain sport teams, lead organizations or rule countries. But the truth is, we’re all leaders in some way, each and everyday. To our families, friends, colleagues, roommates and community. Whether or not we take ownership of it is up to us.
Being a better leader is therefore beneficial for every day interactions, forming more meaningful relationships, and serving those around you to your best ability.
When it comes to taking ownership, the first person we should think about is ourselves. Once we’re able to lead ourselves; by allowing ourselves to feel, make nonjudgmental decisions, and strive towards our goals in the face of hardship, can we then consider being leaders to others. That’s not to say that we always need to have our shit together to be great leaders. But better awareness, leads to better choices, which leads to better results.
So another pivotal point here, is having some sort of self-awareness. By forming a healthier relationship with yourself, you can ultimately form a healthier relationship with other people (I’ve emphasized that quite a lot by now). So first understand your own goals, reasons, values, and emotions. Understand what works best for you and what doesn’t, then build up your emotional confidence.
Once that’s established, ensure that you surround yourself with people who share your values, visions, and goals. I’m not saying that we should stick to our comfort zone and those we’ve always been acquainted with, but rather find those who are ambitious, hard working, and determined in the same direction. Once we have a solid reason, a why, we can move onto communicating that with other people.
Communication
Okay this is something I purposely chose to speak about again, because it serves as a reminder to myself and those of you who are reading. The biggest problem I notice whenever people are in a disagreement or have issues between each other, is lack of open communication. In the words of Brene Brown: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
Being clear is something that sounds so simple, yet we struggle so much with it. The issue with being clear, is that we need to lead into our vulnerability and courage. It’s so much easier to beat around the bush and just kind expect the other person to understand what we’re trying to say. But that’s why being vulnerable is so vital, it allows you to dive into how you truly feel and discuss that with another person.
Also important to note: You can’t give what you don’t have. So you can’t give other people love and compassion, if you don’t have it for yourself first (without it taking a toll on you).
I’m trying to bridge the understanding gap between myself and other people, through uncovering uncertainties and assumptions that I make with them. This can be done by figuring out where I leave others in a blind spot by assuming they know specific things about how I feel, what I’m going through or even about them.
Also, looking into where I lack clarity in truly conveying my feelings and how those affect my relationship with them. A critical aspect of communication therefore, requires more than just speaking; it requires us to be open listeners.
Listen! This is probably something we struggle even more with, if speaking wasn’t so hard already. But just listening to what people have to say will go such a long way in fostering a healthier relationship with them. Don’t formulate your response while they’re speaking.
Immerse yourself in the experience and fully understand where the other person is coming from. Stay present. This leads to the next point that I absolutely love speaking about; empathy.
Empathy
Empathy is more than just connecting to an experience (putting yourself in another person’s shoes), it’s about connecting to the emotions underlying that experience. This means that it requires vulnerability, because you have to be willing to tap into your emotional reservoir and think about how you would feel in that particular situation.
Although certain people have challenges or experiences that we’ll never face, we can still find a situation that we’ve been through, that allowed us to feel a similar emotion. Herein are a few ways to help develop your empathy skills:
Perspective taking
To be nonjudgmental
To understand other people’s feelings
To communicate your understanding of their feelings (and your own)
Mindfulness
The most common skill that people understand when talking about empathy is the perspective taking. This requires us to be the learner, not the knower. Curiosity is a key factor here, and if you don’t understand where someone is coming from, be brave enough to ask.
“Only when diverse perspectives are included, respected and valued can we start to get a full picture of the world.”
To be nonjudgmental is absolutely critical when trying to deal with other people. This means that we need to be aware of where we are most vulnerable to our own struggles. We judge the most, when people are susceptible to shame and when they’re doing worse than us.
Emotional literacy or intelligence is necessary when trying to understand and communicate other people’s feelings, as well as your own. It’s an uncomfortable process that most of us seem to struggle with, and proves to be damaging in the majority of relationships. If we can’t articulate the emotion, we won’t be able to move through it. That’s why I think we need to actually spend time trying to learn the different emotions that we do experience, so that we can communicate it better with other people.
We also need to be able to show people that we do understand what they’re feeling, as that forms the basis of a connection. Albeit risky, we need to have the courage to ask them about their feelings if we don’t properly understand it.
To be mindful with emotions means that we don’t attach ourselves to them. As with life, everything we feel is temporary. This too shall pass. By paying attention to what’s happening in the conversation, what you and the other person are feeling, as well as the body language, we’ll be able to formulate a more empathetic approach to our responses.
Just a quick reminder that there’s a critical difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy drives connection. Sympathy fuels disconnection.
Leadership tips
I just wanted to discuss a few skills that I’m trying to implement, in being a better leader, through the form of questions and phrases that I can keep in mind. When dealing with issues within a group, bringing up and discussing the issue may sometimes be a roadblock. Here are a few points to follow to help overcome that:
Name the issue.
Prioritize being a curious leader.
Acknowledge and reward great questions.
Don’t be afraid to bring up the issue and talk about the problem. Remember: better awareness leads to better choices, which leads to better results. Stay curious and try to understand the source of the problem and how it can be overcome, together.
Use your empathy skills to further connect with the other group members and gain an understanding of why this might be an issue for them. The aim is to ‘get it right’, not ‘be right’. Another factor can be to encourage questions, which are sometimes even more important than just searching for answers. Don’t let your ego get in the way of asking for help, or admitting your faults. Being nonjudgmental with yourself is critical to being the same way with other people.
Reasons reap results, so don’t shy from asking.
A concept that I found incredibly helpful was to ask the question: “What does done look like?” This allows the person in charge to identify and clearly paint an image of what they expect to be done, and the objectives required to get there. Clear communication allows for more effective management. Here are a few more questions to ask as some rumble starters:
What problem are we trying to solve?
What are the assumptions you’ve made to get to your understanding?
What do you see as the goal of this meeting?
Engage in tough conversations, it’s the only way you and your team will grow.
Be motivated. Observe mindfully. Stay present.
Another important tip is to maintain boundaries. Show your level of self-respect through abiding with your values and don’t just let other people step over you. The same works for you, understand people’s boundaries better and learn to respect them. This works wonder for building up better trust and connecting more healthily.
The best way to lead?
By example. Practice what you preach. Walk the talk. I can’t emphasize this enough, people learn exceptionally through observation. I’ll use the example of parenting to further clarify this point.
When parents are found speaking contradictory to their actions, they wonder why their kids don’t listen to them. It’s simple, children learn the most through observational learning. The psychology behind that is absolutely phenomenal (to me at least), but that learning ranges from emotional reactivity, behavioral responses and habits. Not everyone follows that trend, but it’s a general concept we can mostly agree on.
You can’t just tell someone not to do something, when you’ve been doing it the whole time. I know we want the best for others, and for them to learn from our mistakes. But proving that requires action, determination, vulnerability and courage in the face of our short-comings.
When we can lead through vulnerability and being receptive to having braver conversations, we’ll find it a lot easier to create more meaningful interactions in our lives. It’ll open room for more honesty, creativity, productivity and even love.
So next time you ask someone: “How’s it going”? Don’t just wait for them to say: ‘good and you’?, with your response being “I’m good thanks.” Let’s leave the robotic cycle and aim to have deeper interactions on a more regular basis. Next time someone asks you how you’re doing, give yourself a second to actually think: “How am I actually feelings right now?” and then respond within the relevant boundaries. And when you’re asking them that question, listen attentively, notice their tone and the words their using. Show them that you care, and your relationships should start to flourish.
I’ve hopefully inspired you to take more initiative in your daily interactions and to strive to become a better leader, in whatever way you need to be. We should always start with why and have a clear sense of our objectives, as well as intentions and assumptions.
When we’re able to clearly communicate that with others, it’ll be easier for us to form a structured team. Being empathetic is a no-brainer for forming healthier and more trustworthy relationships, so it’s important to keep the different skills in mind: Perspective taking, being nonjudgmental, understanding and communicating people’s feelings, and being mindful. Some of the leadership tools include naming the issue, staying curious and rewarding good questions. Finally, leading by example through your actions, will always prove to be the most effective way to get those around you to improve.
Let’s face it, this is something we’ve proven to be terrible at as humans. From saying what’s on your mind or how you’re feeling, to spamming emojis and swiping right. There’s just something about being truthful and vulnerable that we tend to struggle with, and it’s damaging not only to us, but everyone we interact with.
I’m speaking from experience here and I’m still working on this, so let’s dive in and see what we can unfold about the power of vulnerability and honest communication.
What is vulnerability?
“The ability to be susceptible to physical or emotional attack / harm.” So how could that possibly be good for us? One of the essential tools when forming deep/meaningful relationships is having the courage to be vulnerable.
When we’re willing to risk being hurt, or to speak about difficult topics, we find much more value in the relationship.
The point is, when other people see that we’re comfortable enough to share things with them, it opens up a pathway for them to open up to us. Courage is an important word here because you need to be aware of your imperfections and be willing to share your authentic self with others.
Personally, I’ve formed the best and healthiest relationships through being vulnerable and talking about difficult issues. It’s not to say that everyone is going to be respectful and engaging, but when you do find someone who’s willing to be there for you or you want to strengthen your relationship with, just be more honest about how you feel and what’s going on with you.
This ted talk explains it perfectly:
Be your authentic self.
We often find ourselves trying to “fit” in, constantly trying to meet the expectations of our peers or family members. This is where I think problems start to arise, within yourself more than anything. The identity dilemma of who you are vs who you’re supposed to be.
When you can’t be your true self, you tend to communicate based on what will please the other person. This creates a barrier, which airs the gap for miscommunication. Constantly trying to satisfy the other person or just agreeing with them won’t create a meaningful relationship, it will just create a decent friendship.
It’s through being honest and authentic about our desires and interests, that creates respect and willingness to cooperate.
There’s a saying in Arabic that goes “Respect yourself”, which is often meant in a derogatory manner. But I think it’s a beautiful reminder to people to genuinely respect themselves, because that’s what will help others respect them and in turn form better connections. If you haven’t thought about it already, self-love comes into play here too. When you learn to love yourself, it allows other people to love you even more.
Watch your ego.
Our good ol’ arch enemy, the ego. Learning to deal with this and humble yourself is another crucial aspect in effective communication. When you’re able to put your pride aside and actually listen, it goes a long way.
Our ego tends to block up our minds, when people who are younger or “less” knowledgeable than us give us advice. We claim to already know what they’re going to say, since we have more experience than them.
However truthful that may be, it still adds to the communication barrier and makes it more difficult for us to connect with each other. So just notice when you find yourself trying to end or move on from a conversation, which could actually benefit you, because of your pride.
Real life > Texting
Sliding into the DM’s, sharing memes, commenting on stories, sending emails, group chats. It’s the new age of staying in touch and communicating. I suppose what we don’t realize is that we miss out on an important humane aspect, emotions.
We just can’t properly express ourselves through emojis; laughing faces and broken hearts don’t cut it. It’s not to say that there are no benefits to digital communication, it just makes it a lot easier to misinterpret and jump to conclusions.
I’m basically emphasizing the importance of effective communication, and that even voice noting or phone calls would be a better alternative. Of course nothing will be more pertinent than real life social encounters. Make time for the people who matter in your life, and engage as much as you can with them in the present moment. Don’t allow your digital life and character to ruin your real life.
Listen.
Something I think many of us struggle with, is to just listen. Our minds jump to responses as soon as people speak to us, but it’s important to first understand what they’re truly trying to say. Part of communicating therefore, is cultivating the skill of listening and deeply engaging, without cutting the other person off.
A lot can be communicated through silence too, for connections are made with the heart, not just the tongue.
To put it all in a bundle, there are many degrees to effective communication. Most importantly, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to connect with people. This will have a ripple effect, allowing you to be your more authentic self, and hopefully more honest with what you say.
Don’t let your ego get in the way of your relationships, and always make time for those who matter to you. I’ll end this post with a common quote that we should really try to grasp:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” ― Stephen R. Covey
MEMENTO MORI 