What You Appreciate, Appreciates

We’re now entering the final few weeks of 2020. Despite the innumerable challenges that have come our way, we’ve managed to find a way through. People have constantly complained and found reasons to focus on what they don’t have, instead of focusing more on what they do have.

I want to talk about gratitude again. It’s a recurring theme here on Memento Mori, for valid reasons. We all need reminders, constantly. Starting with myself tbh. So let’s focus on our blessings and see how that helps us finish off the year with a bang.

First thing in the morning

Here’s a reflection point: What’s the first thing you do as soon as you wake up in the morning?

I know that each and every one of you will have a completely different answer, so I just want you to think about it for yourself. Does that habit help you kick-start the day? Is it aligned with your values? Does it energize you? Does it make you feel good?

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. But try this out for at least 1 week. Focus on how blessed you are first thing in the morning.

• The roof above your head
• The comfortable bed you slept in
• The fresh air that you’re breathing
• Your body and all your functioning organs
• The opportunities that are coming your way

Most importantly, that you’re blessed to have another day. Use the chance you’ve been given to do better than you did the previous day. Keep up this mindset and you’ll start feeling a lot more content and grounded.

Throughout the day

It’s easy to start the day with a win. It’s hard to maintain that win throughout the day. Things don’t go according to plan. People frustrate us. Work starts to get stressful. Errands get annoying. There’s a lot that we can find to complain about.

An important aspect of mindfulness is being able to monitor your thoughts without attachment or judgement. When you do start to notice those thoughts creeping up, observe them, write them down, let them go.

Energy follows focus.

Change the thought pattern into something a little more beneficial. Instead of being impatient or frustrated with others, focus on how you’re benefiting them. Your sustenance could be due to your assistance to others. Thank other people as often as you can, even for the simplest of favours.

Last thing before you go to bed

To complete this wonderful cycle, focus on being grateful just before you go to bed. It’ll really ease you into sleep, especially if you struggle with falling asleep quickly. Recap the best aspects of your day and clear all the negative energy. Here are a few things to focus on:

• The meals you ate throughout the day.
• The wonderful people you interacted with.
• Your education, as well as opportunities to learn, grow and expand.
• The lessons you learned.
• Your legs for allowing you to move around. Your hands for assisting you in getting tasks done. Your eyes for helping you see the world. Your ears for helping you listen and your mouth for allowing you to communicate.

Blessed

It’s easy to focus on things that aren’t working out. It’s easy to play victim. It’s easy to lose your focus on and complain. Like I’ve always mentioned, doing what’s easy is not going to help you grow. You need to push yourself a little, each and everyday. Even if it’s just pushing limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.

The more you give the more you get.

Practice gratitude not only by focusing on what you have, but by giving what you have. You’ll notice the way that feeling spreads and ripples across everyone you encounter. We genuinely don’t have much longer. It’s time to shift our focus and stop complaining; there’s so much more to be thankful for.

In light of this topic, I’d like to thank you all for everything. For your time, for your energy, for your support. It’s thanks to you that I feel inspired to write every week and share the little knowledge that I have with the world. It truly is appreciated.

Give thanks. Spread love. Inspire joy. Stay present.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Have you ever wanted to learn how to be more charismatic? Trying to foster healthier and more meaningful relationships? Want to become a better communicator and get comfortable with people?

This book review will explain exactly that. ‘How to Win Friends & Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie. There are 4 main chapters in the book, each explaining a few key principals.

Just a reminder that this is my way of getting the most out of books. Taking notes and trying to teach what I’ve learnt to other people.

*The bullet points are principles directly extracted from the book.

1- Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Let’s try and put these points into perspective. Whenever you criticize or complain about other people, you automatically put them on the defense. This makes it difficult for them to absorb what you have to say, since they’ll tend to find a reason to criticize you back.

Countering that, we should focus on what people are doing right. When we’re honest and lavish in our appraise, we soften people and provide a comfortable space. This makes it easier for you to get your point across.

Remember: the objective isn’t manipulation. You’re not trying to get people to go against their own will. You’re trying to minimize misunderstanding and adequately get your point across. The final point essentially talks about building up your ideas, by getting the other person interested in what you have to say.

2- Six ways to make people like you

• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Smile.
• Remember the person’s name.
• Be an active listener. Encourage others to speak about themselves.
• Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
• Make the other person feel important – do it sincerely.

All these points are essentially a summary of the final point. Trying to make the other person feel genuinely important. By trying these points, you’d improve your social skills and become comfortable getting to know strangers.

3- How to win people to your way of thinking

A lot of the principles in this chapter are quite self-explanatory. The key concept repeated throughout the book is that we each have ‘a desire to be important’.

“How you get your feeling of importance, determines your character.”

Ultimately, whether we are conscious of it or not, there’s a part of us that craves feeling important. Which is why so many of us enjoy sports, board games and just challenges in general. We feel a tad bit special when we ‘win’ or find a solution.

When you understand that the principle is universal, you can use it to aid people in feeling important. The following points are paramount in communicating effectively, whilst allowing the person to get the sense that they’re important to you.

• The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.
• Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never start with ‘you’re wrong’.
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Begin in a friendly way
• Get the other person saying ‘yes’ immediately.
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

All these principles foster your skill to empathize. You may or may not have noticed, but these are also key-points in developing emotional intelligence. “Judge people by their own values – not your own.”

• Let the other person feel like the idea is his or hers.
• Try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view.
• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
• Appeal to nobler motives.
• Dramatize your ideas.
• Throw down a challenge.

We need to cooperate with other people by showing them that their ideas and feelings are as important as our own. Start the conversation with purpose and say what you’d want to hear as the listener.

We always make assumptions when speaking to others. So we should aim to assume that people are being honest and sincere. This will allow them to be more readily corrected.

Throwing down a challenge is essentially stimulating competition. Bring about the desire to excel & to win. After all, we love feeling important.

4- Being a leader

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Let the other person save face.

A few things here discuss how to deal with people making mistakes. We should first always start with praise. Nothing fake or insincere, but pay them genuine compliments before diving into the confrontation.

Another tactic is to mention how often you make mistakes too. We’re not infallible, we too make mistakes all the time. This helps them empathize with us, making it a much smoother interaction.

• Praise every improvement – even the slightest ones.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct.
• Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

We’re essentially trying to foster a growth mindset here. Constantly use encouragement and praise all that is working, instead of focusing on what isn’t. That’s not to say we shouldn’t try to help them improve, but by making clear how well they’re doing, it motivates them to keep doing more.

So we’ve covered fundamental techniques in handling people, different ways to make people like you, how to win people to your way of thinking and being a leader. I’m sure there are several aspects that you’ve already mastered and some of which you can work on.

Let me know which of these principles resonated with you the most (or the least). Feel free to share any ideas or thoughts relating to effective communication too. Thank you all as always and happy reading!

Thinking out loud ~ 2

Appreciation. Nature. Stillness. Presence.

Something that I find incredibly valuable, is noticing how unique the sky looks; Every. Single. Day. Just take a moment every morning to notice the patterns and formations taken by the clouds. It’ll never be the same.

I think being present amplifies your ability to learn. When we’re fully engaged in a single activity and give it our undivided attention, we’ll notice and take into account the most minute of details. This allows us to build on our muscle memory a lot quicker.

So how do we stay present? My first suggestion would be to acknowledge what a chatter box our ‘monkey mind’ is. We’re constantly evaluating ourselves and other people, which pulls us out of the now. By sifting through all these different perspectives in our minds, it leads to distraction. Do you want to know what works as jet fuel for distraction?

Social media.

This might be obvious and I’m certain there’ll be varying opinions on this. But you can’t deny the fact that, spending excessive amount of time on platforms that have infinite scroll feeds, will damage your concentration and capacity to learn rapidly. There’s no learning without remembering. Remembering also requires us to pay proper attention, for efficient storage of memories.

Your mind is one of your most valuable assets. There’s definitely a reason why there are systems in place, trying hard to take control over it. The more time you spend unconsciously scrolling through posts or binge-watching, the more you’re allowing others to influence your mindset.

All I’m saying is, make sure you use social media consciously. You can get trapped very swiftly. Moving onto something that positively affects your mind.

Sunsets. Trees. Butterflies.

I talk about plants and my love for trees a lot to my friends, because I feel like I gain wisdom when walking through forests. Because of their resilience and ability to adapt, it’s inspiring to be around that kind of energy. Following your nature and doing what’s required of you each and everyday. No randomness, no distraction. Everything in moderation.

Sunsets bring joy to my soul. There’s no other way to describe it. Sitting in sea point watching the waves crash over the rocks, with the pastel colours of the departing sun across the horizon. I try and learn from those experiences too. No matter what happens, the sun still sets and rises at the same place. It shows up. It follows its nature.

The waves of the ocean? Exactly the same thing. Resilience, consistency, perseverance. It brings serenity and calmness to the mind and body too. I have a hypothesis as to why. When we’re observing nature, the energy is pure and cyclic. The world follows a certain path, we just need to understand the inevitable temporariness of it all.

That leaves us with mindfulness and gratitude. What better way to live, than in the moment with utmost contentment?

Just wanted this to be another quick reminder, on how valuable it is to protect your mind & values. Take in deeper breaths, open your eyes a little wider and always remember to smile a lot brighter. Notice the small details and be grateful to have yet another day.

[Took all these pics on different nature-appreciation missions :)]