An Attitude of Gratitude

There’s recently been a lot going on in my life which I’m incredibly grateful for. I thought it would be appropriate to bring back the topic of gratitude, as it is a general theme in my writing. I’d like to specifically dive into the concept of living with an attitude of gratitude. I know it sounds a little cheesy, but it definitely is worth exploring.

In today’s post, I’m going to talk about how to remind yourself of your blessings, how to be thankful to other people, how to live in a state of abundance, and how it all links to the present moment.

Blessings on blessings on blessings

I talk about this all the time, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in the storm of life and forget all about it. Just to be clear, I am in no way condoning toxic positivity (as I’ve alluded to several times in the past). The point is not to undermine your current struggles or try to ignore how you’re feeling.

The point is that on a factual basis, we have SO much more than we could possibly wish for. Imagine if we had to pray for every single blessing we have? There’s no way we’d manage to cover everything. Yet, what often happens is that we take for granted the things that are going well for us and focus all our energy on what we’re missing.

Having goals and striving to improve as an imperative for success, remember that. But on that journey, we should remind ourselves of everything that fell into place for us to be where we are today. It’s about appreciating the journey and enjoying the process, not just wishing for the end goal.

Part of the process will always involve other people. We’re not on this planet alone and we’d never be able to survive without support. Why not make those people feel loved and appreciated for all that they do to is.

Thank you

It’s such a simple thing to do, yet for some reason we either forget or leave it out on purpose; saying thank you to those who have been of service to us. When I use the word service, I don’t only mean actually being served (like a meal for example), but also when people share their guidance, thoughts and wisdom.

Saying thank you more often instills a very specific attitude into your life. You notice that you’re blessed to a certain extent. You also start making other people appreciated for their efforts. This in turn enables them to want to do more for you. It’s a beautiful cycle of positive energy.

Being thankful does not only have to be a verbal cue. You can say thank you through your actions as well. This doesn’t mean we have to buy grandeur gifts for people every time they’re kind to us. But we can do simple things like; return the favour, leave a sticky note with some kind words, embrace them, tell them how much they mean to us and then of course buying them thoughtful gifts. The more grateful we are, the more we receive in return.

The more you give, the more you get

Spoken about this many many times before, but I just want to keep reminding you to give more. Be more charitable. Give out extra clothes. Give it out extra food. Give out your extra change. Support those who are less fortunate than you as much as you possibly can.

There are numerous benefits to this. Not only will it make you feel like you’re contributing and making an impact, but it will also change how people treat you. That shouldn’t be the objective, but it’s a noticeable side effect of being kind. People tend to be kind to you in return (more often than not).

You want to be the person on the ladder

Apart from being treated better, your life actually gets filled me with more blessings. You’ll be astonished at the ROI of giving away just R10 to charity. It’s actually not always quantifiable, but you’ll definitely get more than a R100 in return at some point.

Again, that’s not the objective, it’s just a by-product of being generous. Your intention always plays an important role here. When you give with the intention of uplifting others, it comes across as being genuine and sincere. That ripples again and brings more into your life.

Now

The most fascinating aspect of being truly grateful for me is that it brings you into the present moment. When you pause to appreciate things like your vision, your body, your health, your family, the food on the table or the roof above your head, it brings you into the now.

This aspect of being present is directly linked to mindfulness and an overall sense of well-being, since you’re no longer stressing about future scenarios or dreading the past. The more you’re able to think through a lens of gratitude, the more mindful you’ll train yourself to be.

In essence, this post serves as a reminder to be thankful. For what you have, for who you are, and for all the opportunities that are coming your way. It can sometimes be difficult to remember how blessed we are. The more we practice this attitude of gratitude however, the more of a reflex it becomes. So go out into the world and spread joy, love and kindness.

Thank you for your time and support, it’s truly appreciated. As-Salaamu Alaikum (May peace be upon you).

How to Engage in Thoughtful Disagreement

Hello hello and welcome to another Memento Mori post. I was reflecting on some of the most interesting conversations that I’ve had in my life, and realized that many of them required some kind of disagreement. We live in a polarized world, where everyone we’re surrounded by and the algorithms on all our social media feeds keep us in the same bubble. Us vs them.

We have a misconception around what meaningful conversations are meant to be like. Yes, it’s easier and more comfortable to speak to people who think like you and have similar views. However, it’s even more rewarding and insightful when you get to speak to people who don’t necessarily agree with everything you have to say.

In today’s post, I’d like to dive into how we can engage in thoughtful disagreement. I’ll essentially breakdown the aspects required to ‘debate’ and convince people to hear you out. Let’s look at what active listening is all about, finding common ground, being willing to be wrong and factually expressing yourself. It’s not about being right, it’s about learning.

Before I get going, I’d just like to highlight 2 key books where I’ve derived most of this wisdom from; ‘Think Again’ by Adam Grant and ‘Factfulness’ by Hans Rosling.

Active listening

When it comes to arguing with people in general, the biggest mistake we make is listening to respond. We tend to get heated up and focus on how to convince them to adopt our way of thinking, instead of listening to hear them out.

Active listening is probably one of the most important aspects of engaging with someone who disagrees with you. It involves listening to understand and make sense of where that person is coming from, not to think of a response. We’ve all been programmed to do the exact opposite of that.

So how can we listen more actively?

Just focus more on their point of view. If you feel yourself starting to think of the ‘perfect reply’ to them while they’re still speaking, push it aside and be mindful. It requires patience, practice and conscious effort. Keep probing them by asking clarifying questions. The objective is to gain a clear understanding of where they’re coming from and what they’re really saying.

Try and paraphrase what they’ve said back to them to ensure that you actually interpreted it correctly. This also shows the other person that you’re receptive to their train of thought, which will in turn allow them to hear you out.

Common ground

Another great way to get people to hear your side of the story is to first establish common ground. Sure, there will be differences in opinion and ideology. But more often than not, there will also be a lot in common.

When you identify those common beliefs, you should try and express them in a way that draws the other person in. Make them feel like you’re not the enemy. Make yourself feel like that too. We have a lot more in common with other people than we think. This will help build some trust and may allow the other individual to hear out your conflicting thoughts after that.

https://www.julieleoni.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/2015-03-07-14.16.25.jpg

Willing to be wrong

A willingness to be wrong is absolutely crucial when it comes to thoughtful disagreement. We simply cannot enter the conversation with our cups full and our minds blocked. We need to put our ego aside and accept the fact that we may very well be wrong.

The incredible thing about this is that YOU are the one who gets to learn. If you’re right all the time, it means you’re not challenging your thoughts enough and are maybe surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals.

This isn’t to say that we should just back down whenever our opinions are challenged. But rather that should be open-minded enough to re-frame our thinking in the face of factual evidence.

Expressing yourself factually

This point ties in well with a willingness to be wrong. In order to have a strong foundation in your discussion, you need to be equipped with proof or certain facts. Your opinion can be solidified by bringing in certain aspects of research. This is to ensure that you’re not just thumb-sucking information and to keep your argument valid.

What does that mean for you then? Do some research! Stop arguing based on something your uncle told you 10 years ago. Find out for yourself how true or false your current beliefs are. This will not only help you debate more concretely, but it will also enable you to learn more about yourself.

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/1280xn/p08s5mtm.jpg

At the end of the day, that’s the point. You want to continuously update your understanding of yourself and the world around you. There’s certainly no shortage of information out there. It’s about exposing yourself to enough differing views and forming an understanding for yourself.

That’s the last thing I want to tell you. Don’t just accept the first article you read as being your source of truth. Find different sources, different authors, different perspectives. Don’t fall into analysis paralysis, but just cover your bases.

There will always be things we agree on and things we disagree on. The point is to make the most of the different perspectives that are available to you and learn as much as you can. Don’t let your ego get in the way of having an incredibly meaningful conversation. You don’t always have to agree, but you should always try to learn.

Dive Into Your Fears

How often do you find yourself consciously facing your fears? In this day and age, I’d say probably not much at all. Being confined by fear is an interesting concept, especially when most of it is actually psychological.

I thought about writing on fear because I know how much I subconsciously try to avoid confronting it. There are a number of root causes to our current fears, which could either be biological, physiological, or due to traumatic experiences.

In today’s post, I’d like to dive into your fears. I’ll look at identifying the different causes of those fears, what we can do about them, and how to avoid being shut down by fear. This might be easier for some of you than it is for others, the point is to try and strengthen our psychological resilience to the horrors we often have to face.

What causes of fear?

“A potential for pain, or an unrecognizable event, causes fear. The amygdalae, organs in the limbic system, detect such possibilities and send the signals which generate the fear emotion, which sets off avoidance activities.”

We experience fear out of instinct to avoid pain or undesirable events. Our minds react to external stimuli (or even mental projections) to ensure that we do what is necessary to survive. So if we have to look at the biological aspect of it, the amygdalae are what cause the sensation of fear. But what events trigger the amygdalae to make us feel that way?

As I’ve alluded to before, there are several different causes behind fear. I’ll focus on 3 in this post specifically, just to touch on the topic at a high-level:

• Failure
• Past trauma
• Evolution

Other causes of fear can include insecurity, overthinking, perfectionism, childhood events (linked to past trauma), and worrying about other people’s opinion to name a few.

On the topic of failure, I think that is one of the most common causes of fear. We are afraid of failing. We want to survive. We want to make it through. We want to succeed. We want to make ourselves and other people in our life proud. It would thus make sense that many of our underlying fears are deep-rooted in our intrinsic motive to avoid failure.

Past trauma is another incredibly important and often undetected cause of fear. When we experience a traumatic event (such as being robbed or getting into a car accident), it often leaves a mark on our psyche. We become a lot more careful, vigilant and even suspicious of the world. We try to avoid getting into that same scenario again, as best as we can.

The last cause of fear that I’ll touch on is that of evolution. We were once hunter gatherers and stayed in very close-knitted groups. We needed to survive off the savannah and ensure the tribe was safe from all forms of danger. The issue is, many of the underlying fears that enabled us to cope with the dangers at that time, stay with us up until today. Fearing snakes, the dark, spiders etc., are often rooted in ancestral times.

https://www.paulekman.com/universal-emotions/what-is-fear/

Tee figure above shows different levels of intensity when it comes to experiencing fear. Apart from just identifying the causes, we should also look at how intense the feeling is. What I’d like to do now is use the mentioned causes of fear to help us figure out what to do about it.

What to do about fear

So what should we do about fear when it does arise? The first answer is the obvious one; accept it. We often try to hide behind this façade of bravery. We like to appear to be fearless and full of courage. It often comes at the expense of being true to ourselves.

Instead of trying to appear to be strong and brave, what’s even more courageous is learning to accept certain fears and working towards overcoming them. True bravery (in my opinion) is about persistence and trying your best to learn from those underlying fears.

How to become Spiderman

After we accept that they’re there, we need to methodically try to overcome them. It won’t just happen overnight. We can’t expect to find an instantaneous answer. Exposure therapy is something that often works really well in this case. Slowly expose yourself to that which makes you afraid (in bearable doses). Then increase the intensity of the exposure as you get more and more used to it.

Those are things that are very situation specific, but are there ways that will allow us to develop a resilience to fear in general? How can we learn to fight that voice in our head and push forward, despite wanting to sit back and stay in our comfort zone?

How to stop letting fear hold you back

From my perspective, it’s about having faith and building up courage. It can surprisingly also boil down to purpose. When we have a strong foundational belief and understand that everything happens for a reason, we tend to be a lot more resilient.

From an Islamic point of view, the following quote resonates a lot with me:

It’s a fundamental belief that God is always with us, irrespective of how dreadful the scenario may be. Keeping that world view in mind allows me to push through many of my fears and setbacks in general.

When it comes to developing resilience to fear in general, what we need to focus on is essentially building a set of habits that allow us to face ‘baby’ fears all the time. A common example of this is cold showers. It’s petrifying and scary as hell. But doing it consistently allows your mind to practice overcoming the mental hurdle.

Next time there’s something that makes you really nervous or that you’re a little scared to do, just go for it and see the difference it can make. You’ll be a lot more ambitious in your goals and you won’t let trivial trials hold you back.

The point I’m trying to make from this post is that you’re capable. The more you put yourself out there and face you fears, the stronger you become. That strength can then diffuse into all other aspects of your life and will enable you to grow exponentially. We don’t realize how much of our potential is blocked purely because of our misconceptions and fears.

Face Everything And Rise.

Decide What You Want And Pursue It Relentlessly

I recently re-read one of my favourite psychology books called ‘Grit’ by Angela Duckworth. It’s essentially about why passion and perseverance are the keys to success. In other words, talent isn’t everything, it’s about the work and deliberate practice you put in.

When I think of a lot of people in my life, I notice a trend around complacency. Many people have ambitious goals and really want to succeed, but often fall short when push comes to shove. I’d like to use this post as somewhat of a ‘motivational’ speech.

Firstly, for myself. To remind myself of why I’m doing whatever it is I’m doing. Secondly, because I want you to understand how important it is to be driven by something deeper than motivation. I think motivation is unreliable, but habits can last. Lastly, so that we can stop making excuses and avoid hiding behind the comfort of our complacency.

Why?

We come back to the concept of purpose. It always starts with your reason, your intention, your why. We’ve heard about this everywhere and keep seeing it all the time. But I want you to understand that you don’t necessarily just wake up one day and figure out your purpose. In fact, you may never figure it out. You keep striving towards something meaningful and enjoyable, then determine your why from there.

That’s the first misconception that I want to uncover. Purpose is not easy to find. You often have to chase things that are in your self-interest and don’t necessarily contribute to other people. Once you start developing a certain level of expertise in that domain, you can then try and look beyond yourself, and figure out how to make an impact.

Let’s use my blogging as an example. Originally, I started it off as a way for me to vent. I just wanted a space to share my thoughts with other people. Not for their sake, but for mine. I was never a reader or a writer, but a few years down the line, I started getting better at it. I started enjoying it. It became a habit.

I started writing more about life lessons, book, mindfulness and little tricks that I found really helpful for me. A few of my friends and family members then started telling me how helpful my posts were to them. That they were inspired in some way. That’s when I realized the potential impact I could make by writing more meaningful posts.

“Aspire to Inspire” became the motto, to try and help people reach their full potential by sharing the little nuggets of wisdom that I have. What started off as a venting mechanism, turned into something purposeful. That brings me to my next point, why motivation is not reliable.

Motivation is unreliable

Some days we wake up feeling incredibly energetic and ready to conquer the world. Other days we dread the thought of getting out of bed. That’s essentially the issue with seeking motivation, it’s temporary and subjective. What can we look for instead, to stay inspired?

This may sound annoying, but my answer is to form habits/routine/rituals! Remember this quote:

“First you create your habits, then your habits create you.”

It’s all about consistency and making things somewhat predictable. If you have a routine going, you try to stick to it irrespective of your moods. You don’t only brush your teeth when you feel like it, you brush your teeth because it’s a habit, and you know that it’s important for your hygiene. You don’t only go to the gym when you feel like it. You go to the gym because it’s part of who you are. You are someone who is dedicated to your physical wellbeing.

So think of it in terms of who you are as an individual, not just as an activity that you perform. Initially, it will take some motivation and some push, but once you have the ritual and discipline going for you, you flow into it.

That brings me to another really important point, stop making excuses!

Stop making excuses

The thing about motivation is that it can be used as an excuse. ‘I just don’t feel motivated today’.

What does that even mean? Can you pinpoint exactly what’s causing you to slack off? Is it mood-dependent? If there are genuine reasons why you cannot go after what you want, then so be it. But if the reasons are fluffy and intangible, it’s not worth it.

I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to force you to be more productive or to do more. I want you to help you identify the flaws in your own argument when you convince yourself that you’re incapable of achieving something. The quote that immediately comes to mind is:

“Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.”

So if you need to take a break and if you really just need some time off, then do exactly that! It’s not about about toxic productivity and pushing yourself to the point of burnout. It’s about being realistic, ambitious and efficient. That’s my approach to life. Feel free to disagree with me in the comments.

https://www.northernslant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/1bJccTuKWKOCJG6fLsJobmQ.png

Decide what you want, and pursue it relentlessly

The point that I’m trying to make in this post is that you should figure out what you want, then go after it. Relentlessly pursue your goals and ambitions. Why? Because tomorrow is not guaranteed. You don’t know if you’ll be here in another week, month, year or decade.

Given that fact, you should embrace the present moment but remembering the shortness of your life. Memento Mori. Your problems and challenges are there to fuel your journey moving forward.

Start deliberately practicing. Understand that the effort you put in is worth more than just talent. If you want to get better at something, put in the hours. Don’t wait for motivation, look at the habits you need to have in place. Stop making excuses and find ways to inspire yourself. Consistency is the key to mastery.

Who do you need to be, to achieve what you want to get done?

How Can We Eat More Sustainably?

No, I’m not going to tell you to go full vegan. But let’s see how close we can get to that.

I received a lot of positive feedback on my previous post on ‘Why do we waste food?’. I figured it would be useful to dive into a relevant topic. The concept of eating more sustainably is something that I strive towards, it’s not something that I fully live out as yet. I attempted it when I lived alone in Cape Town, but struggled once I started staying with my family again.

In today’s post, I’d like to dive into a few aspects of sustainable eating that are worth considering. Let’s first look at why it’s important, how our current habits impact the environment, ways we can try to improve on our eating habits, and how to move forward as a society.

Why is this topic important?

I think many of us underestimate the impact our eating habits have, not only on our body, but our mind, our community and the environment. I personally think it’s important because we typically eat around 3 meals a day (+snacks), every single day of our life. That’s somewhat astonishing, if you think about how much we actually eat in a year (>1000 meals). If we think of the population as a whole, that’s 7 billion people eating at a rate of 1000 meals a year – there’s a lot of mouths to feed.

Now I know that’s a bit of a stretch, since not everyone eats that much or has the privilege to. Trying to also point out why we should be incredibly grateful to fit that category.

That rate of eating means that we need to find ways to efficiently produce enough food for everyone. Efficiency, however, can come at a cost (I realized that from own personal experiences). We’ve started to extract natural resources at an unnatural rate, and the products get distributed unequally. That means that we’re now producing more food than ever before, but are causing significant damage to the environment and not feeding everyone.

Let’s dive deeper into that.

How are our current eating habits affecting the environment?

Here some interesting facts from Our World In Data:

https://ourworldindata.org/environmental-impacts-of-food

The bar graphs essentially show the contribution of the food and agriculture industry on different aspects of the environment. What we don’t realize is that the type of food we eat, has a direct impact on greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions, land-use, fresh water supplies and even biodiversity.

Here’s another interesting figure to see how specific food types affect GHG emissions.

The immediate takeaway is that the top 3 contributors are all meat-related. That is because livestock and cattle are all incredible potent methane producers (cows and sheep fart, A LOT). When you stack up all the farms that use unsustainable techniques, it adds up to tonnes of GHG emissions.

I’ve also talked about the impact of food waste in my previous post, which has its fair share of environmental impact. There’s also the packaging and plastics that are used throughout the value chain, which all accumulates.

It’s not all bleak and sour though, there are clear ways for us to improve on these issues. It’s not as easy for some people and it might be easier in other countries, but it all starts with a single step.

https://image.cagle.com/151304/750/151304.png

How can we improve?

From my personal experience, it’s somewhat simple. We just need to be more conscious of where we get our food from. The first thing is to try and support local as much as you can. The more you’re able to source from small farms, butchers and reliable sources of free range food, the better.

Try to cut down on buying fast food and eating out at large franchises. Those are typically major contributors to the emission chain and tend to be incredibly unsustainable.

The next thing is to add more vegetables, fruit and plants into your diet. The less we rely on cattle and poultry, the more we are reducing our contribution to the GHG emissions. It can be as simple as setting up a meal plan for the week, and instead of eating meat for like 4 days, cut it down to 1 or 2 days (essentially cut down from your current habit).

The last thing is to grow your own food where possible. This is more applicable to people who live in houses with gardens. The more you can source your own food organically, the healthier it is for you and the environment.

If you’d like to find more tips on how to eat more sustainably, check out the link below:

https://www.wwf.org.uk/what-can-i-do/10-tips-help-you-eat-more-sustainably

Moving forward

As a society, we’ve started to romanticize the concept of fast food and take-outs. Some people I know can eat fast food on a daily basis. It’s cheap and convenient. But it comes at an indirect cost.

To move forward as a society, I think we need to start finding ways to encourage and incentivize each other to live more sustainably. We live on a planet with finite resources. The impact of our actions from the last few decades/centuries are starting to take its toll. We can’t keep plowing ahead with the same habits. The population is growing, so that means we’ll only have more mouths to feed.

https://ojogalaksihmbah.blogspot.com/2020/07/animated-greenhouse-gases-cartoon.html

It’s all about taking a small step in the right direction. Little by little, a little becomes a lot. Don’t underestimate the ripple effect of the minor changes you make in your life. Just try your best, whatever that means to you.

The point I’d like to make here is that we can do better. Most of us choose not to, out of convenience. The choice of eating more sustainably is definitely a privilege, but one that we should utilize as much as we can.

Eat better today, for a healthier planet tomorrow.

Why Do We Waste Food?

I’ve been doing some research into household consumer behaviour and why we waste food. I thought it would be an interesting topic to speak about, given how common food waste is nowadays.

In today’s post, I’d like to dive into several aspects of food waste (which can be extrapolated to any kind of waste). I’ll look at the impact it has on society, the impact it has on our psyche and the impact on our environment.

Impact of food waste on society

When it comes to societal impact, it’s easy to look at it from 2 different extremes; those living in abject poverty and the filthy rich. The majority of us lie somewhere in the middle. For those who live in a state of constant hunger and search for food on a day-to-day basis, it’s quite clear why wasting food makes no sense.

Think about it this way, whenever you intentionally throw food out (bec you let it expire etc.), you deny other people a chance to leverage that same thing. Yes, there should be a threshold or limit to what you can give or can’t give (based on the quality of the food for example). But more often than not, people who don’t have anything to eat will be incredibly grateful for your left overs.

This applies even more when you’re eating out at a restaurant. Time and time again, I see people leave large portions of their food on the table when they leave a restaurant. Those restaurants can’t do anything but throw it away. You, on the other hand, can ask for a takeaway box and give it to someone else (a guard or beggar etc.).

Our decisions always make an impact on other people, whether we see it directly or not. You can change the lives of the people in your community by simply giving away some of your leftovers or excess food. Especially when you know you’re not going to eat something, but keep it in the fridge until it expires/rots and throw it away.

Be mindful of these habits, they also have an effect on your psyche.

Impact on our psyche

As I mentioned already, there are indirect consequences to our wasting habits. The impact actually seeps deep into your subconscious, because you are essentially programming yourself to live a certain lifestyle.

Something as simple as throwing away leftovers? Really?

Yes, because it ingrains a certain level of ingratitude. This may sound like an attack to some of you, but it’s how I personally view the topic. When you’re comfortable with wasting, you are essentially doing the opposite of being grateful. You’re not truly appreciating the value of the blessing.

It happens by mistake and a lot of the time it’s not on purpose, but when it’s habit/lifestyle, then it can be truly problematic. Especially because you’re living out your values. And I don’t think any of us would really like to acknowledge that ingratitude can be a core value.

Apart from that, there’s also a huge concern about the environment. Landfills simply can’t sustainably deal with the type of food waste we produce.

Impact on the environment

Apart from the clear and obvious non-degradable aspects of the waste (like packaging and containers), the food itself causes a significant problem. Considering that most of our food waste typically ends up in landfills (in unsustainable quantities), it ends up being buried for microorganisms to decompose.

The issue is that the process is achieved through anaerobic digestion (without any oxygen), and the by-product is large amounts of greenhouse gas emissions (like CO2 and methane). This means that food waste directly contributes to climate change.

Another factor to consider is the value chain of the food process. From the time it’s farmed/produced, through to the logistics of transporting it, to the refrigeration/storage, all the way to consumption, there’s a lot of waste created when we throw that food away.

You can find more information on what happens to food waste in the article below.

What happens to food waste in landfills? The full environmental impact

What can we do about it?

I know that sounds all dark and gloomy, but there is something really simple that we can do about it. Simply waste less.

Start by paying closer attention to your buying and eating habits. If you notice that you always buy an excessive amount of certain items that usually end up expired, then start buying less of it. When you notice things approaching their expiry date and you don’t plan on consuming it, then give it away.

In addition, just give more to those who less fortunate than you. It obviously needs to be edible and in decent condition, but it doesn’t have to be brand new or immaculate. People appreciate the smallest of gestures and acts of kindness. By doing this, you’re acting out the value of gratitude. God has blessed us all with much more than we can count. It’s time to make our actions count.

So if you want to play your part and make a difference to society, to your psyche and to the environment, waste less, be more mindful of what you buy and start giving out more. You got this.

Work-Life Balance

Here’s a topic a lot of people I know may be struggling with (myself included, lmao). In the age of working from home (WFH) and everything being done virtually, we seemed to have lost touch of boundaries that are typically associated with work-life balance (WLB).

Most of us are expected to be online till way past our ‘working hours’, just because we can be. The amount of work that we are required to achieve in a single day has increased for some reason, despite the fact that it’s not necessarily easier being at home.

In today’s post, I’d like to deal with quite a difficult concept: how to improve on our work-life balance. I’ll talk about the boundaries that we need to set, the objectives that we need to have on a daily basis, spending enough time with our family and friends, looking at the spiritual side of things, as well as making time to get adequate sleep.

My experience of this topic comes from the fact that I’m part-time studying and working full-time – mostly from home. So there’s a lot of effort that I need to put in place to ensure that I get enough downtime and rest.

Boundaries and rituals

The reason why I talk about boundaries being blurred is because many of us no longer drive to the office, we don’t pack up our laptops when we’re done and go back home, we don’t feel how late it can get compared to when we’re at the office.

Nowadays, we wake up and the first thing we check is our work emails, we jump straight into meeting (often while we’re still in bed), we stay up till way later to meet deadlines, and we struggle to meet our other obligations – all while we’re at home.

First thing’s first, we need to identify that not having boundaries is a problem. A lot of us get used to the intensity and almost accept it. But if we don’t look at it for what it is, we may not appreciate a healthy balance. Once you understand the need for boundaries, you need to find ways to specify and implement them.

This can be done by understanding your objectives, which I’ll touch on briefly after this. For example, you may want to exercise before/after the work day. Block off an hour in the morning/evening at a specific time and try to let your team know that this is necessary for you to be effective (ensure it doesn’t clash with meetings etc.).

Another way to try and improve your WLB is by setting a cutoff time for you to respond to emails/attend meetings. I know it’s not always possible when projects get intense, but it’s worth a try. The point is to look at what you need to stay efficient, and build rituals around that.

Daily objectives

Your daily objectives should basically be aligned to your boundaries. Understanding what you need on a day-to-day basis will enable you to make time for those requirements. We all need to prepare for meals, get administrative tasks done, work on hobbies/side projects, maintain social relationships and get some exercise done.

By setting these objectives down at specific times during the day (with some flexibility), we can then incorporate those boundaries. The aim is to ensure that you sustain a healthy balance and attend to your personal matters too. That’s the whole point of understanding work-life balance.

Family/friends and alone time

This is an incredibly important component to me personally. I find that I need a recovery period with the people I love and cherish. There’s something about quality time that just recharges me. Without it, the balance starts to tip over.

I live away from most of family in Joburg, so I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like. But I still try to video call them often and then make plans with people that I’m close to here.

I also found that I need quite a decent dose of alone time to let my thoughts settle and to make sense of everything that goes on around me. I need time to meditate, to walk in nature, to read, to reflect and to contemplate. It’s a different way for me to clean out my energy and bring more positivity into my work.

Spiritual Aspect

Another fundamental part of my life revolves around Islam and my daily prayers. This can mean different things to different people, but having a spiritual grounding is truly something I can’t do without.

It is the essence of my purpose in life and I find that I’m always calmer and more collected after I’ve prayed. What I love about the Islamic approach, is that you’re required to pray 5 times a day. That means you get 5 chances every single day, to reconnect to your spiritual side and stay in check.

Find what works best for you and ensure that you incorporate it on a daily basis; even if it’s just being grateful before you start the day.

https://za.pinterest.com/pin/412220172142251505/

Sleeping beauty

Another critical aspect of a healthy WLB is getting enough consistent sleep. This is easily a challenge, especially when there’s so much that needs to get done. Setup a cutoff time for when you go to sleep and for when to wake up. The consistency makes it easier for your mind to settle.

The benefits of getting enough sleep should be really clear by now, I’ve written a post about it already. The takeaway from this post is to make sure you respect your body’s requirement. If you sacrifice a healthy amount of sleep for too long, the harmful effects can last a lifetime.

If you can, try to get at least 7 hours of sleep. 6 if you’re pushing it. Anything below that (depending on your sleep cycle) would be detrimental. Calm down on the coffee too, especially past 3/4 pm.

So, we’ve given quite a bit of thought to the concept of WLB. There are a lot of considerations to factor in, especially given how we’re all WFH. Make sure you understand your daily objectives so that you can set boundaries, figure out how much time you need to spend with family/friends or alone to recharge, find time to pray, and make sure you’re getting enough sleep.

There’s always going to be a lot to do. That’s the nature of life. But just as the birds and animals know when it’s time to rest, so should you. Follow your nature and keep doing your best. You got this.

Apocalyptic

I wrote this post looking back at the events that occurred around 3 weeks ago. It felt exactly as if we were in an apocalypse.

*Trigger warning*

https://www.primenewsghana.com/images/2021/may/12/e302a7eff2393087c431fb564e923f44.jpg

There seems to be a lot going on in the world rn, especially in South Africa. If being in a 3rd wave of the Covid pandemic wasn’t enough, we also experienced some intense riots and looting 3 weeks ago. It was quite strange, seeing how things spiraled out of control so quickly.

Today’s post will be another part of the Thinking Out Loud series. I just thought it would be interesting to discuss relevant topics and get insights from different people. First, I’ll give some background to the riots and looting, then I’ll go through the 3rd wave struggle, how we’re stronger together, and lastly, I’ll look at how these experiences serve as a turning point in our lives.

What on earth happened South Africa?

To give some context, the riots started off as protests in support of our ex-president Jacob Zuma.

“Zuma was sentenced late last month for defying a constitutional court order to give evidence at an inquiry investigating high-level corruption during his nine years in office until 2018. The decision to jail him resulted from legal proceedings seen as a test of post-apartheid South Africa’s ability to enforce the rule of law, including against powerful politicians.”

After his arrest, many of his supporters went out in protest to this incident (don’t ask me why people protested against imprisoning someone corrupt). The protests quickly turned into some kind of organised mayhem, where they chose a specific day to start mass looting and cause sporadic destruction in KZN and Gauteng.

https://www.autoexposite.com/world/death-toll-rises-as-violence-and-looting-spreads-in-south-africa/

This included supermarkets, warehouses, malls and all sorts of businesses. Highways and main roads were also blocked, paralyzing supply chain routes and causing a huge shortage of many essential supplies, including petrol. For the few days that the chaos occurred, people couldn’t buy bread, milk, order food online or refuel their cars. It was like a full on apocalypse; quite surreal if we’re being honest.

“What we are witnessing now are opportunistic acts of criminality, with groups of people instigating chaos merely as a cover for looting and theft.” -President Cyril Ramaphosa

The army was eventually deployed and things started to calm down. In the interim, we all kind of forgot that we were in the middle of a pandemic.

https://www.sapeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/looting-shopping-centre-South-Africa-th.jpg

3rd wave of the pandemic

I’ve already talked about my personal experience getting Covid, but it seems like the waves and variants are just endless at this point. I don’t think we truly understand the impact on the economy of having another wave of Covid in addition to a week of looting and shutdowns.

The amount of damage that was done to infrastructure, to the modes of transport and to supply chains have only made things more intense.

What I love about this country though is the resilience. We are an incredibly diverse nation, with a very strong history. We’ve overcome immense challenges to get to where we are today. Despite the motives behind everything that’s happening and this 3rd wave, people are still giving it their best! We are not giving up. Not anytime soon, that’s for sure.

Coming together as a community

The most incredible thing that I observed in all this chaos was the way in which we came together as communities. I noticed how despite several Muslim businesses being looted and burnt, many of them still contributed and assisted in preparing hampers for those who were unable to get groceries, and for the poor/needy. I’m sure there were many non-Muslims who contributed in that sentiment as well.

Additionally, they were also many people who came together as vigilante groups and neighbourhood watches, to protect their families, areas and livelihoods. It was incredible to see the support from everyone at this dire time, and the all-nighters being pulled for our safety.

Yes I know certain people went overboard with these initiatives; fueling hate crimes and racism, but I’m focusing more on those who did their best to stay put and protect.

From an Islamic perspective, the prophet Muhammed (pbuh) taught us that we should never discriminate against anybody. There are several incidents from his time when he forgave, accepted and embraced people who were once his enemies, people who killed his friends and family, and people who were tirelessly trying to end his life/mission.

The lesson we can learn from all this is to continue being kind, caring and forgiving. It’s not the time to point fingers and start polarizing from different groups. It’s not the time for revenge. We should demand justice, definitely. But until then, we need to be compassionate and lead with an open heart.

Turning point

On the shortness of life. I’d like to leave you with a critical question:

If you knew the world would end next week, what would do differently?

Over and over again, I think of how I live assuming that I’ll wake up tomorrow. It’s quite an important assumption to make, obviously. But it’s also one that can make us incredibly complacent.

As I discussed in my previous post, we take life for granted. We get used to the way things are. We don’t anticipate change as often as we should. That’s why I propose that you deeply sit with the question above. Reflect on what you would do differently moving forward.

Expect the unexpected, without putting too much pressure on yourself. Stop being surprised at the fact that life is a roller-coaster ride. Its proven that to you many times already.

It’s so cold!

As many of you may know, I moved to Johannesburg (Joburg) at the start of the year. It was quite warm at the time, given we were edging towards autumn. We’re now peaking into winter, and it’s rather cold. Cold enough for us to dread even sitting on the toilet seat (like North America/Europe kind of cold).

I thought it would be interesting to write about how we adapt to changes in the weather as human beings. Or to even look at how we’re psychologically affected by it. Let’s talk about how we can learn to brace the cold, developing resilience, the effect the sun has on our psyche, and being grateful.

Bracing the cold

It’s a mindset thing really. Almost every conversation I’ve had with anyone living in Joburg has involved complaining about how cold the weather is (I’m guilty for contributing to that). That’s obviously what got me thinking… How can we actually learn to embrace the cold without just unnecessarily complaining?

I think it has a lot to do with mindset, exposure and breathing. Mindset is a bit of an obvious one, but important to bring up nonetheless. The more you tell yourself you’re feeling cold and are suffering, the less likely you are to effectively adapt mentally. The more you layer up, keep the heater on and stay inside, the less likely you are to physically adapt.

To juxtapose the mental and physical adaptation to cold, we should learn to focus on our breath. It’s interesting because if you think about it carefully, your breathing gets all shallow and rapid when you’re shivering. Learning to control your breath when you’re feeling cold will definitely facilitate some kind of resilience.

There’s definitely a limit to this and it can’t go on infinitely, as you have to avoid getting sick. It really is a fine balance, but you have to start somewhere.

Developing resilience

As I already mentioned, it’s about taking baby steps to avoid completely shocking the system and getting sick. So where do we start with developing some kind of resilience to cold? I think more than 90% of you will hate my answer to this: cold showers and less layers.

Before you panic and decide to completely ignore what I have to say, please know that I’m asking you to start small. You gain a lot of mental strength when you can put yourself through that little bit of discomfort, which enables you to actually deal with constantly feeling cold. Some of you may have biological or health issues that make it tougher, but the principle is the same.

When it comes to cold showers, I’m just suggesting that you try it out for 10 seconds or so while you wait for the water to get warm. This not only helps you save water, but it helps you adapt to the cold a little more! Essentially, you want to get your body used to that little shock. To overcome that mental fear. To learn how to focus on your breath while your body starts panicking.

https://hawkoffbeat.files.wordpress.com/2021/07/3e341-1988-01.jpg

The same logic can be applied when you’re deciding to layer up and leave the house. Instead of wearing 3 jackets and 2 socks, try and wear just enough for you to feel relatively warm. You can use your breathing technique to help you deal when it starts getting really cold. Again, I’m not asking you to suffer (well I kind of am), but I want you to strengthen your mental and physical capacity to deal with the weather.

Here comes the sun

The weather impacts our mood. If you don’t believe me, just go outside on a sunny day vs a cloudy / rainy day. You’ll immediately notice a difference. When it comes to getting enough sunlight though, we should really stop undermining the benefits (both from a mental and physical health point of view).

The most obvious benefit is vitamin D. Everyone knows that they need to get enough sunlight to sustain a healthy dose of vitamin D… But how many of us consciously put in those hours? I’m guilty of this myself, especially since I started working from home (also bec it’s freezing outside). But we should try to get in at least 15 min a day, to refresh our psyche and strengthen our bones.

The sun also gives us a serotonin boost. This means that it directly affects our mood, as I alluded to earlier on. There’s an added bonus to this though… Serotonin and Melatonin work together, so getting exposure from sunlight may even help you sleep better.

If you want to read more on the benefits of sunlight, check out the article below.

5 Ways the Sun Impacts Your Mental and Physical Health

The point I’m trying to make is that the weather and season play a role in our overall attitude, our mood, and even our energy levels. We can use that understanding to ensure that we make the most of the situation we’re in and optimize our health.

Gratitude

As always, the most important lesson to take from all this is a little bit of gratitude. When it comes to extreme weather conditions, we should always be grateful to have some kind of luxury in place to help us deal with it.

Whether it’s the electricity that powers our heaters, the thick blankets we have to sleep in, the roof above our heads, the jackets and socks that we have. We should be thankful to God for all that he has blessed us with.

It’s crucial that we don’t forget about how many other people are less fortunate and don’t have a fraction of what we have. In order to truly live out the value of gratitude, I suggest you try and give out some of your old clothes that you haven’t worn in a while to people who would desperately make better use of it. Put yourself in their position and imagine how much tougher it would be to adapt when you have so little.

It always comes back to the fact that God has given us all different circumstances and different tools to deal with those circumstances. You are truly blessed and you should never forget that. #LiftAsYouRise

Taking Life for Granted

I’ve been reflecting over my experiences lately and I’ve come to realize that we take a lot of life for granted. Whether it’s the people in our life, our health, our wealth or even the food on the table, we often find ways to get complacent and ‘expect’ it all to be there day after day.

A really close friend of mine was recently diagnosed with a very serious illness, and it was heartbreaking to hear. Not only because of the thought that I might lose him, but also because I would’ve never expected something like that to happen to ‘us’; considering how young and full of energy we are.

We’ve also been through a lot in terms of the civil unrest + the third wave of the pandemic here in South Africa. I’ll touch more on that in next week’s post.

Today’s post is going to be a familiar talk on gratitude. The emphasis, however, will be on ways to improve our daily engagements to appreciate life a little more. There are some incredibly simple steps that we can take to make a worthwhile difference. Let’s talk about observing nature, being more vulnerable, expressing our feelings, showing gratitude and appreciating ourselves.

Nature nature nature

I keep coming back to the concept of spending time in nature because I honestly think we all really underestimate the power it has on our psyche. One of the ways in which I personally make the most of my day is by spending some time surrounded by nature; whether it’s in the garden, watching the sunrise/sunset, going for a walk, listening to the birds or even just staring at the clouds.

Just like we constantly need to be connected to the internet, we need to also find ways to be connected to the planet. The more we are able to appreciate the gifts that are all around us, the less likely we will feel like we’re taking life for granted.

It sucks now that we’ve entered multiple lockdowns, we have travel restrictions, inflation and taxes are making things more expensive, we can’t really socialize or adventure as much as we used to. What can we do tho? Strengthen our relationship with nature and mindfully observe how we’re all interconnected – find ways to transcend mass consciousness.

Vulnerability and expressing our feelings

One of the ways in which we undermine our capacity to live life to the fullest is by falling short of telling people how we truly feel about them. We are not vulnerably honest enough. We keep beating around the bush, hiding our feelings and waiting for some future state of preparedness.

It’s not too late to start telling the people who mean the world to you, how much you truly love and care for them. In fact, we should make it a regular habit to do just that. We often get caught up our worldly demands, that we tend to neglect those who are closest to us.

Tell them you love them more often. SHOW them you love them more often. Stop waiting for a birthday, an anniversary, a special occasion. The more love you give to the world (and yourself), the more love will be returned to us.

Appreciating ourselves

We appreciate ourselves when we’re able to truly cherish who we are as individuals. As flawed, as weird, as imperfect as we may be, there’s still so much that we’re remarkable at. More and more, we’ve been conditioned into a very specific societal view of what ‘normal’ is meant to be. We ache to fit in and ensure we’re not outcasts; it’s part of our DNA (survival depended on us conforming to group norms).

We’ve reached a point in time tho, where we don’t need that same level of conformity. We shouldn’t have to force ourselves to change who we are, to be loved and appreciated (within certain limits, obviously). We should start appreciating our quirks and realize that it’s what makes us unique. It’s what differentiates us from the rest of the population.

You are incredibly special. You have so much to offer the world and those around you. You are loved. You are capable. And you are absolutely worth it.

Don’t lose hope and stay grateful

Energy follows focus.

It’s always about being thankful. It’s always about appreciating other people. About appreciating what we have. About focusing on our blessings.

It’s been rather chaotic over the past few months, so many different reasons. Yet, our blessings and all that we have is still immeasurable. Don’t lose hope. Don’t despair. Have faith. Trust the process. You will get through this. Faster, stronger and braver than ever before.

It may seem impossible now, but you’ll think back and be astonished at what you’ve accomplished. Take care of those around you as much as you can. Spend enough time in nature. Express your love and affection to those you care about.

“Live for the present like you’ll die tomorrow. Plan for the future like you’ll live forever.”