Aspire to Inspire

It’s been a while since I last posted. Nearly 4 months actually… I kind of forgot about the reason why I started blogging. It felt like I lost my mojo.

There was a bit of a revival last week though, when I attended a family reunion and then also spent a few days in Drakensberg, Alhamdulillah. I actually had some time to reflect, which has been occurring less recently due to being caught up in the rat race.

Back to the point, people started asking me what happened to my blog. That’s when I started asking myself… WHY did I even have a blog? It didn’t take too long for me to realize that it was because I had an urge to share beneficial insights and nuggets of wisdom with the world.

Aspire to Inspire was the motto.

This moment is an instant that will pass by like a droplet in the stream.

I also started understanding how the blogging had an impact on me, personally. The topics and concepts I’d write about would become more ingrained in my own mind, which helped me practice them more. I basically needed to write these posts to help me become a better person.

So I’m back now and I’m ready to get cracking. I’m not going to take the usual approach and give long, detailed unsolicited advice. I’m just going to share what’s on my mind (which is likely to be unsolicited advice, haha).

Service

There’s a part of me that has been feeling a bit anxious as of late. I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what it is, but I suspect it has to do with not living up to my own values. There’s a part of me that feels like I need to do more to serve the world around me.

Fulfilment does not come from pursuing selfish needs (for most of us). It’s temporary satisfaction, but there is an underlying emptiness that comes with it. I definitely start to feel a bit out of place in my life when I’m not serving a cause greater than myself. I’ve started to realize more and more that it’s crucial to find a way to give back.

I need to stop being selfish with my time, energy and resources. I can and will do more to help those around me, inshaAllah.

You can only fill your own cup up to a certain point.

Gratitude

It’s always about being thankful. It’s been ordained onto us by God, and for a specific reason. We are blessed beyond comprehension. The problem? We don’t comprehend enough. If we take 1 minute out of our day to reflect on how much we have, we’ll be impressed. Maybe we’ll even start feeling guilty.

Good. Then it’s time to give more.

I need to stop hoarding, buying, collecting and storing for no real reason. I need to be more thankful, appreciative, and grateful for what I have.

I’ll clear out my wardrobe for clothes that I haven’t worn in the past 6-12 months (even if it’s brand new), give away leftover food more often, and make sure that at the bare minimum, I smile more often!

You have eyes to see? Truly blessed.

Mindfulness

Our minds are powerful. We have so much potential to grow, develop and contribute. It starts with discipline, having control over our thoughts and impulses. Mindfulness is there in everything we do. In Islam, it’s part of our prayers. It’s been there long before the term itself even existed.

When we pray, we are narrowing our thoughts to the One who created thought itself. To the One who controls everything in existence. Reflecting on God and praying is the ultimate form of being mindful.

I doubt birds stress too much about tomorrow or yesterday, since it doesn’t exist.

I started looking at mindfulness through the wrong lens. It shouldn’t have been about being more efficient or getting more done. It is about understanding and reflecting on purpose. Meditating on life, death and the beauty that encompasses it all. It’s about being alive to the present moment, so I can appreciate the shortness of life, with a focus on the hereafter.

After not blogging for a while, I feel energized writing this post. It’s a way for me to inspire myself, so that I can live in a way that’s more aligned to my true values and purpose. In that, I hope to inspire others to pursue their own journey and live to their full potential.

Just keep trying your best. You got this.

Forgive and Let Go

It’s always been amazing to me how adults often behave quite a lot like children. We’re always told to ‘grow up’, to be more mature, to start acting our age… But what does that actually even mean?

As human beings, we follow by example, not by what we’re told. We’ll replicate the behaviours of others, not just what they tell us to do. This is something a lot of us know already, but don’t internalize enough.

Today’s topic will be linked to a specific aspect of childishness, but more so to do with forgiveness and moving on. I’ve come to realize that adults have a lot to learn from children in this regard, especially when it comes to putting your ego aside and letting go.

Let’s talk about what forgiveness actually means, why it only harms us to hold onto resentment/grudges, an Islamic perspective, and what children have to teach us about letting go.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment. It’s the process of voluntarily changing your attitude towards someone or something that has done you harm (in any form). It’s not about forgetting the wrong that has been done unto you, but it’s about understanding that we’re all flawed and make mistakes.

“To err is human and to forgive is divine.” 

This is an important concept to grasp, because we’ll only be able to forgive if we actually know what it means to forgive. So all that is great in theory, but what does it mean in practice? Do we just allow people to step over us and endlessly forgive them?

The obvious answer is no. Practically speaking, there are two aspects of forgiveness to consider; internal and external healing.

Internally, it involves letting go of your ill feelings towards the other person. Externally, it’s about confronting them, setting new boundaries, and ensuring it doesn’t happen again. It’s a tough process that requires you to put your ego aside, to create the space for justification, and to make a logical decision about the relationship when you’re not overwhelmed.

You have to be aware of the underlying assumptions that you created in your mind and how they shape your current view of the situation. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always think of reasons around why they could have made that mistake.

Why does it harm us to hold onto grudges?

It harms us to hold onto grudges because we are the ones who sit with that negative energy. We end up using up a lot of time and energy trying to deal with those thoughts. We end up feeling resentment towards other people. It may affect our relationship with other people as well.

In essence, there’s a lot more to gain from the process of letting go, than holding on. Even if we don’t get the other person to apologize or justify their actions, we still need that inner peace and contentment. Kids do this quite well. They sulk for a bit but find it easy to let go rather quickly.

Islamic perspective on forgiveness

Islam emphasizes forgiveness on a daily basis. When it comes to our own sins and mistakes, we are obligated to seek forgiveness from God and repent. When it comes to other people, we are also obligated to have mercy on them and be forgiving.

One of the core teachings of the Prophet Muhammed (Peace Be Upon Him) is that we should forgive others as well. We should live out the values of patience, mercy and compassion, as this is what would ultimately lead us to be closer to God.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Do not harbour a grudge against one another, nor jealousy, nor enmity, and do not show your backs to one another and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking with his brother beyond three days.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

What can children teach us about this?

Children are quick to move on. Yes, they get upset and make a fuss about trivial matters, but it doesn’t tend to last very long. They forgive as quickly as they get upset, which helps them maintain their relationships in a strange way.

Children also don’t have a very future-oriented way of seeing things. They’re incredibly present and perceive time in shorter intervals than we do. The advantage of that? They don’t think about the future as objectively as us, allowing them to make amends for mistakes sooner rather than later.

The point I’m trying to make with all this is that we’re all human at the end of the day. We all make mistakes, we all mess up, we all falter and hurt each other (knowingly or unknowingly). When we incorporate forgiveness as a core value and act upon it, we live with a lot more ease.

We forge stronger relationships. We don’t allow trivial matters to ruminate in our minds and cause us to have ill feelings. We get closer to God in the process as well.

The next time someone messes up (even if it’s you!) forgive them. Not just for them, but for yourself.

The sun always rises after it sets. So should you.

How To Stop Overthinking in 3 Simple Steps

It’s definitely not simple, nor will it take just 3 straightforward steps. The concept of overthinking occurs in almost every individual I know (myself included). Some people experience it a lot more often than others. Some people experience it more intensely. Some people just can’t stop it.

It feels like an ingrained part of our adaptation, how we sometimes escape the present moment. Maybe we started doing it as little kids because we had frantic parents who constantly made us worried. Maybe we trusted people who betrayed us, which then caused us to start doubting ourselves. Maybe it’s a biological/hormonal imbalance, and we’re just naturally unable to sit still and let our minds relax.

Sunset in KSA (Jan, 2022)

Whatever the cause may be, overthinking is stressful, tiring, and emotionally taxing. It also affects our relationships, our ability to trust, and our self-esteem. We often brush it off and tell people to ‘just stop overthinking’. But as with many other psychological dynamics, we should treat it more like a physical behaviour/injury.

So, what can we do to stop overthinking or at least make it a little more bearable? Let’s find out.

1. Do not sit still
2. Speak about it instead of suppressing it
3. Utilize mechanisms to make sense of your thoughts

Do not sit still

From my own experience of overthinking, I found that the best solution is to move. Whether I’m thinking about my self-worth, whether I’m good enough, whether something terrible might happen, whether my trust will be betrayed, whether I’ll end up being embarrassed, or whether my loved ones are okay, sitting still just doesn’t help.

When I would stay in place and let my thoughts run rampant, I found that I would go deeper and deeper into my own rabbit hole. This would then impact more than just myself, as my mood would change and it would affect other people around me as well.

Safari trip in Kruger National Park (Jan, 2022)

I found that if I moved around physically by going for a walk, changing my location in the house, picking up something to do, focusing on my breath, or deciding to focus deeply on a different thought, it would make a difference. Focusing on my breath is also especially helpful because it’s simple and you can do it anywhere.

Additionally, slowing down my breath and focusing on the sensation of air coming in and out of my lungs, shifts my thought to the present moment and calms me down. This is because when you start getting anxious, you feel a tightness in your chest and your breath becomes shallow; making it worse.

Speak about it instead of suppressing it

Do you know what my favourite thing about praying is? Is that it’s a conversation between me and God. Speaking about your thoughts and what’s on your mind can be incredibly helpful. It can boost your relationship with your Creator, help you connect more deeply with friends, and it allows you to feel less alone with the weight of those thoughts.

When it comes to speaking about it to other people, there’s certainly a limit. You don’t want to feel like you’re burdening them with your worries or make them start stressing about you. You want to be vulnerable enough to show them that you trust them, and give them the space to hear you out and help.

Let it flow (Nov, 2021)

When it comes to praying, there’s practically no limit. You don’t have to worry about overreacting, over-sharing or TMI (too much info). You can vent knowing that you’re being heard. Knowing that there’s a plan in place. Knowing that everything happens for a reason and that:

“What’s meant for you will never miss you. What misses you was never meant for you.”

Make sense of your thoughts

This is arguably the toughest part. You’re always in battle with the emotional side of your brain and the logical side of your brain. So who tends to win the tug of war?

Making sense of your thoughts requires effort. Firstly, you have to actually be conscious of the thought and understand the root cause. A simple way to dissect it is by asking yourself ‘why?’ several times. It’s actually a framework used in businesses to understand the root cause of a problem. Here’s an example of how you can use it in your personal life though:

https://kanbanize.com/wp-content/uploads/website-images/kanban-resources/5-whys-analysis-root-cause.png

It can also be tiring doing this in your mind. I find it quite helpful to write in a journal. This helps me for a variety of reasons, including:

• I have to structure my thoughts more clearly when I write
• It allows me to see things from a different perspective
• It clears some of my mental bandwidth, as I’m letting it out
• I can notice trends in my thoughts or habits, which increases my self-awareness
• I can use that self-awareness to make better decisions, which will lead to better results

Lastly, what also helps with making sense of your thoughts is to spend time in nature. We can always be inspired by the natural world around us, especially when it comes to adapting and being resilient. Trees continue to push up to reach for the sunlight. Bees will never give up on their search for nectar. Birds always fly purposefully.

We too, can learn from nature and realize that everything happens for a reason. It’s going to be challenging at times, but that’s part of the journey. We can only go when we’re uncomfortable. Next time you feel like your thoughts are running a bit rampant, remember that it’s helping you understand something about yourself. Use it as fuel for growth. You got this.

New Year, Same Me

Resolutions, reflections, goals, motivation, inspiration and so much more. The new year always seems to bring hope for a fresh start. We want to climb higher, earn more, get fitter, chill harder, all whilst feeling more alive. But do we actually end up changing as individuals or not?

At the start of every year, I read back on my journal entries from the previous months leading up to the start of the previous year. I often find trends, as I probably don’t change all that much from the core of who I am. That led me to an astounding new resolution, why don’t I just stay the same person?

Sitting under a waterfall, December 2021

Don’t get me wrong, I am a sound believer of the growth mindset as you may already know. The point here isn’t to stick to the same bad habits or continue being an a-hole. But it’s not about going to the gym more or eating more carrots either. It’s to look down at my guiding principles and values, and see where that has led me over the past few years.

So where has it all led me? To where I am today.

I’d like to use the first post of the year to look back at how I’ve been the same person over the past couple of years, but just with different habits. Maybe that will help ring something in you too, who knows.

Competitive

I thought about this after realizing that no matter what it is that I do, I always want to win. I’ve learned to become comfortable with losing, as long as I’ve given it my best shot. Since my pre-school days, I can remember feeling that competitive edge when it came to literally anything.

So when I look into the new year, it’s something that I accept as part of who I am and try to fit in some goals to help me with that attribute. I use my competitive nature to always try to develop new skills and stay up to date with other friends (in similar fields or industries).

Taekwon-Do competition, Feb 2020

Adventurous

Another common theme year-on-year is my eagerness to adventure and try out new activities. This is because I love leaving my comfort zone and experimenting. As part of that, I strive to do something unique every year (if circumstances allow).

It can sometimes be a bad thing because I then itch if I’m sitting still for too long (literally and metaphorically). So even if it’s just trying out a new meal or a new exercise regime, I still include some aspect of novelty in my life.

Geckoing, Jan 2022

A little impatient

Despite my constant struggle to be patient, I often find myself rushing people or getting annoyed when plans change too often. It generally results in other people getting annoyed/frustrated at me, which just drives the cycle.

Every year, I try to take it a little easy and stay calm when things don’t go my way. But I just haven’t found the right habits yet to keep me as patient as I’d like to be.

That’s one of the other reasons why I thought of the ‘New year, same me’ concept. Because deep down, we have to put in a lot more effort than we think, to genuinely make progress on ourselves. That brings me to the last point; that I always strive to be driven by values.

The Wilds in Killarney, Aug 2021

Strive to be driven by values

I have some core values in theory and I have some core values in practice. What I’ve noticed over time is that they’re not always aligned. There are parts of me that just take longer to accept the values that I’d like to have.

The one sphere that I particularly want to pay more attention to is that of religion. Being a Muslim comes first and foremost to me, which is where my values come from in the first place. It’s a struggle every year to keep up with the principles and deepen my Islamic knowledge base.

Makkah, Dec 2019

What I’d like to end this post by saying is that a new year factually means that we’re getting closer to our death. This should humble us and inspire us to improve on all facets of our life. We’re here for a specific purpose, and it’s up to us to ensure that we strive towards it.

Be more mindful. Be more present. Have deeper and tougher conversations. Give out more charity. Perform more acts of kindness. Pray more, for yourself and for those you love. Go out on more adventures. Spend less time on your devices and more time connecting with people. Keep up the great work. You got this.

You vs You

Welcome back to another episode of Memento Mori. Today we’re going to be talking about You vs You. What I want to focus on specifically, is how you can stop holding yourself back from moving forward in life.

I’ve been doing something interesting recently with one of my best friends, where I ask them to give me feedback on what I’m like as an individual. They were obviously quite hesitant and friendly at first, but once the ice was broken, I was surprised by what they had to say.

They identified common behaviours that I did quite often which I thought were okay, but actually made me come across as having a superiority complex. I dived deeper into it and found out that it had to do with how I always mansplain things, talk in a dominant tone, and act like a ‘know-it-all’.

Despite how difficult it was to digest initially, it made me a lot more aware of certain intellectual blindspots and helped me grow considerably. That being said, in today’s post, I’d like to talk about why we should constantly seek feedback from our friends/family members, how to digest their comments, and how to strive to continuously improve.

Constantly seek out feedback

The most obvious solution yet one of the most difficult things to do. In fact, it may even come across as being annoying sometimes. Once you get into the habit of asking for feedback, it becomes addictive. You constantly want to know where you’re falling short and how to improve. You also want to be told what you’re doing well, as the ego also needs a little petting.

The point here is that you should strive to ask people to point out areas of improvement. We’re all biased towards ourselves. We think we’re smarter, more competent, kinder, more caring, and more empathetic than we actually are. It’s easy to be blinded to our own fallibility.

Asking close friends or family members for constructive feedback can help you become a better person and also a better friend/family member. It’s a double win. Here are some probing questions that you can ask:

• In what ways am I annoying?
• How can I be of better help to you?
• What is a behaviour that you would like me to change?
• What behaviours from me do you like?
• In what ways have I been helpful?

NB: If you’re the person giving feedback, please be kind and compassionate! Don’t just point out all the other person’s flaws. Make it clear that they’re also great in certain ways as well.

Accepting your flaws

This is even harder than the previous step. It’s one thing to ask for feedback, it’s another ball game to actually accept the criticism. As I mentioned already, we don’t usually notice where we’re falling short. Once that’s pointed out, it can be quite painful to realize that we’re not as perfect as we perceive ourselves to be.

Acceptance is a humbling solution to that problem. It’s going to hurt a lot of the time, but it’s the best way to move forward. When we acknowledge and accept that we have certain limitations, we already take a step in the right direction.

Acceptance, however, doesn’t mean much if we don’t take action to improve. That being said, when we incorporate a growth mindset into the exercise, we’re able to continuously improve.

Continuously improving

After receiving feedback and accepting your shortcomings, the next step is to take action and make progress. We can do this by clearly articulating goals to strive for.

For example, if we tend to be impatient and always rush through things, an improvement goal can be to start slowing and be more present. The next time we feel like rushing someone, we should take a deep breath and acknowledge that it’s okay to sometimes wait.

That was just a high-level example. Another way of improving is to update your values according to the type of person you want to be. The same concept can apply to the previous example. We can try to incorporate ‘patience’ as one of our core values and continuously work on being calm and present when we feel the urge to rush.

https://www.principles.com/

The goal would be to identify the areas where we fall short and put a plan in action to develop. With the right mindset, we can continuously improve on all aspects of our life.

The point of this post was to show how we can move away from repeating annoying behaviours and stop holding ourselves back. We don’t often realize how our actions affect other people or even ourselves. It’s important to make a conscious effort into identifying them and move forward with those insights.

It might be tough at first and a little heartsore. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you become with yourself. Don’t be your own enemy. Keep pushing ahead. You got this.

How To Be Happy In 3 Simple Steps

I hope the clickbait caught your attention! There’s obviously no straightforward route to happiness. In fact, I doubt we even have a common understanding of what happiness even means. It’s incredibly subjective and we often mix it with joy, pleasure, or excitement.

In today’s post, I’d like to look at my personal way of attaining happiness. The 3 simple steps that I would suggest are:

• Develop meaningful relationships
• Focus on what you have
• Make an effort to help others

But before I dive into that, let me at least tell you what my definition of happiness is. Happiness to me is closely linked to fulfillment. It’s the feeling of being at ease with what I have, where I am, or who I’m with. It’s when I’m present, grateful, and energized. It’s when I know I’m contributing, making a difference, or living out my purpose.

Develop meaningful relationships

The concept of meaningful relationships goes above and beyond just the people in our life. For me personally, it also includes having a deep relationship with God. This is a subjective topic, so each person may have a different opinion on the matter. But what I’ve noticed in general is that my happiness is inextricably linked to the relationship I have with my Creator.

The concept of praying multiple times a day, asking for help and guidance with all my issues, being grateful, being kind, and being appreciative of all that I’ve been blessed with, makes me happy. Something that I always keep in mind is the following:

Moving on to physical relationships, in the Ted talk below, Robert Waldinger discusses what constitutes a good life, based on research on happiness. The lessons are as follows:

• Social connections are imperative, loneliness is dangerous
• The quality of your close relationships matter
• Good relationships have a positive impact on our health

We should, therefore, strive to continuously improve on the relationships that we have, and try to further develop weaker ones with other people.

There is also another beautiful hadith that emphasizes the concept of strengthening family ties and being close to your loved ones:

Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whosever desires to have expansion in his sustenance and a prolonged life, should treat his relatives with kindness.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

For more details on kinship in Islam, you can follow the link below:

Family Ties: “Silat-ur-Rahim”

Focus on what you have

The next concept is potentially a little obvious. Focusing on what you have and being grateful will make you happy. This is especially true when it comes to celebrating your achievements and finding fulfillment in the work that you’ve done.

I often find myself feeling incredibly joyful and happy when I reach certain milestones. Whether it’s something simple like managing to exercise 5 times or week, or something as important as completing a project at work or for the postgrad. It’s not just about the outcome. It’s about the effort that I have put in, the opportunities that I have, and the dedication to finishing it off.

Focusing on what you have is an incredibly easy way to cheer up your mood. This can also extend to realizing how blessed you are to have a healthy body, a sharp intellect, and a roof above your head. As I always say, it’s not about undermining your problems. It’s about re-framing those issues and keeping your feet on the ground, but your head in the clouds.

Make an effort to help others

Service, service, service. Ultimately, the most fulfilling part of life (for me personally), is to make a difference in other people’s lives. This can mean different things to different people, but you should strive to do something that is enjoyable and beneficial.

When you see how you have helped another person grow, it leaves you with a feeling of joy and contentment. This is irrespective of whether they appreciate it or not, whether you get the credit for it or not, whether you’re acknowledged for it or not. It’s about the effort you put in to help others.

At the end of the day, we’re social creatures and we are in need of other people for our psychological well-being (to a certain extent). The more we’re able to support other people, the more we’ll be supported ourselves. So make a conscious effort to help other people, for both them and for your own happiness.

So to summarize the 3 simple steps that lead to happiness. Start with developing meaningful relationships in your life, be it with God, with your friends or with family members. Celebrate your hard work and accomplishments by focusing on what you have. And lastly, make an effort to make a difference in other people’s lives. You got this.

#LiftAsYouRise

Don’t Be Shy, Ask For More

I’m sure many of you have come across the quote “ask and you shall receive”. I was thinking about it the other day and realized how true it actually is. For many people I know (myself included), we currently have exactly what we prayed/visualized for a while ago. That being said, why do we tend to limit what we ask for?

In today’s post, I’d like to look into the aspects of asking for more and dreaming without constraint. We’re obviously limited by certain factors, but it doesn’t mean we can’t strive for more than what we can currently comprehend achieving. Let’s look into the concept of dreaming/goals, how we can ask for more, and what to do once we get what we wanted.

Dream Big

We are our own limit. Most of the time, it is our internal self-talk that prevents us from dreaming big. It can also be the people we’re surrounded by who may themselves be limited in their imagination. But ultimately, the ability to dream big and aim for the stars lies within our mind.

If you have to really think your maximum potential, it would probably overwhelm you. Firstly, because you’re not necessarily anywhere near it. Secondly, because you’d probably achieve so much more than you thought was humanely possible.

To dive deeper into that, it basically means that we can be afraid of our own success. Now that’s a trip.

So how do we even dream ‘big’? The best place to start is to by just dreaming at all. Have some form of exciting long-term goals. Think about where you want to be in a few years time. Think about your career, academics, relationships, fitness and spirituality. Jot down the ideas that come up on a piece of paper and just brainstorm.

Once you have those written down, think about how you could stretch them out even further. Sure, there’s a typical timeline for climbing the hierarchy in your organisation. Why don’t you aim to be an anomaly and do it faster than ever before? The best part is, even if you fail at the ambitious goal, you’d still make far more progress than you would have if you decided to stick to the way ‘things are normally done’.

That’s how you can try to dream big. Don’t be limited by your own beliefs or what people tell you. Pray for what you want and work hard (and smart) towards achieving it.

Keep Praying (and working hard)

A reflection that I’d like to share with you all is that of praying and visualizing your goals. Something that I was taught at a very young age was to make ‘Duaa’ for whatever I wanted, which is the Islamic term for praying to God. So growing up, I made Duaa for everything. Good health, a loving family, great friends, a successful career, a beautiful spouse etc.

Obviously there were times when my Duaas did and didn’t get accepted. I ultimately believe that “What’s meant for you will never miss you, and what misses you was never meant for you.”

But the point I’m trying to make is that it was a way for me to ask for things, and not from people. That was incredibly liberating for me, as it reduced my neediness on other people. So when I started praying, it gave me a goal to strive towards. That’s the other crucial point.

What I learned later on in my life is that when you attach praying to the concept of visualizing, it becomes a much more powerful driving force and motivator. So for example when I was in undergrad, I used to pray for pass all my courses with top marks and then visualize myself at the graduation ceremony. This motivated to work hard, to keep praying and to strive towards the goal.

I know there can sometimes be a misconception around visualization. The purpose is not just to create a lucrative scenario in your imagination and daydream about it. The objective to imagine yourself having achieved the goal, and to be fueled by that motivation. That should then drive you to work even harder and to keep pushing forward.

Stay Humble and Grateful

The last thing I want to touch is the concept of staying humble and being grateful. These are two crucial elements of having a strong character. The thing about success (in any form), is that it tends to buff up our egos. We feel like we deserve it. We feel powerful to a certain extent. We feel like we are better than other people (which might contextually be true for a certain period of time).

Those feelings/attitudes are quite natural and it’s okay to feel them. The problem arises when we act on them and start to treat people less worthy because of them. That’s when we can become arrogant, snobby and disdainfully proud. The solution to that is self-awareness and a conscious effort to staying humble.

One of my favourite mottos that I have on a T-shirt says:

“Work Hard, Stay Humble”

Being humble does not mean being weak or thinking low of yourself. It just means that you’re modest in your opinion of yourself and understand the complexity and effort put in by all the people in your life, for you to be where you are today. We can act out humility by constantly thinking well of others, by embracing gratitude and by not showing off all of our success.

In essence, what I want you to take from today’s post is that you shouldn’t be shy to ask for more. Don’t hold back on dreaming far beyond what you’re capable of imagining. Keep track of your ambitions and write down certain objectives that can guide you moving forward. Keep praying and visualizing those goals. Lastly, work hard and stay humble.

An Attitude of Gratitude

There’s recently been a lot going on in my life which I’m incredibly grateful for. I thought it would be appropriate to bring back the topic of gratitude, as it is a general theme in my writing. I’d like to specifically dive into the concept of living with an attitude of gratitude. I know it sounds a little cheesy, but it definitely is worth exploring.

In today’s post, I’m going to talk about how to remind yourself of your blessings, how to be thankful to other people, how to live in a state of abundance, and how it all links to the present moment.

Blessings on blessings on blessings

I talk about this all the time, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in the storm of life and forget all about it. Just to be clear, I am in no way condoning toxic positivity (as I’ve alluded to several times in the past). The point is not to undermine your current struggles or try to ignore how you’re feeling.

The point is that on a factual basis, we have SO much more than we could possibly wish for. Imagine if we had to pray for every single blessing we have? There’s no way we’d manage to cover everything. Yet, what often happens is that we take for granted the things that are going well for us and focus all our energy on what we’re missing.

Having goals and striving to improve as an imperative for success, remember that. But on that journey, we should remind ourselves of everything that fell into place for us to be where we are today. It’s about appreciating the journey and enjoying the process, not just wishing for the end goal.

Part of the process will always involve other people. We’re not on this planet alone and we’d never be able to survive without support. Why not make those people feel loved and appreciated for all that they do to is.

Thank you

It’s such a simple thing to do, yet for some reason we either forget or leave it out on purpose; saying thank you to those who have been of service to us. When I use the word service, I don’t only mean actually being served (like a meal for example), but also when people share their guidance, thoughts and wisdom.

Saying thank you more often instills a very specific attitude into your life. You notice that you’re blessed to a certain extent. You also start making other people appreciated for their efforts. This in turn enables them to want to do more for you. It’s a beautiful cycle of positive energy.

Being thankful does not only have to be a verbal cue. You can say thank you through your actions as well. This doesn’t mean we have to buy grandeur gifts for people every time they’re kind to us. But we can do simple things like; return the favour, leave a sticky note with some kind words, embrace them, tell them how much they mean to us and then of course buying them thoughtful gifts. The more grateful we are, the more we receive in return.

The more you give, the more you get

Spoken about this many many times before, but I just want to keep reminding you to give more. Be more charitable. Give out extra clothes. Give it out extra food. Give out your extra change. Support those who are less fortunate than you as much as you possibly can.

There are numerous benefits to this. Not only will it make you feel like you’re contributing and making an impact, but it will also change how people treat you. That shouldn’t be the objective, but it’s a noticeable side effect of being kind. People tend to be kind to you in return (more often than not).

You want to be the person on the ladder

Apart from being treated better, your life actually gets filled me with more blessings. You’ll be astonished at the ROI of giving away just R10 to charity. It’s actually not always quantifiable, but you’ll definitely get more than a R100 in return at some point.

Again, that’s not the objective, it’s just a by-product of being generous. Your intention always plays an important role here. When you give with the intention of uplifting others, it comes across as being genuine and sincere. That ripples again and brings more into your life.

Now

The most fascinating aspect of being truly grateful for me is that it brings you into the present moment. When you pause to appreciate things like your vision, your body, your health, your family, the food on the table or the roof above your head, it brings you into the now.

This aspect of being present is directly linked to mindfulness and an overall sense of well-being, since you’re no longer stressing about future scenarios or dreading the past. The more you’re able to think through a lens of gratitude, the more mindful you’ll train yourself to be.

In essence, this post serves as a reminder to be thankful. For what you have, for who you are, and for all the opportunities that are coming your way. It can sometimes be difficult to remember how blessed we are. The more we practice this attitude of gratitude however, the more of a reflex it becomes. So go out into the world and spread joy, love and kindness.

Thank you for your time and support, it’s truly appreciated. As-Salaamu Alaikum (May peace be upon you).

How to Engage in Thoughtful Disagreement

Hello hello and welcome to another Memento Mori post. I was reflecting on some of the most interesting conversations that I’ve had in my life, and realized that many of them required some kind of disagreement. We live in a polarized world, where everyone we’re surrounded by and the algorithms on all our social media feeds keep us in the same bubble. Us vs them.

We have a misconception around what meaningful conversations are meant to be like. Yes, it’s easier and more comfortable to speak to people who think like you and have similar views. However, it’s even more rewarding and insightful when you get to speak to people who don’t necessarily agree with everything you have to say.

In today’s post, I’d like to dive into how we can engage in thoughtful disagreement. I’ll essentially breakdown the aspects required to ‘debate’ and convince people to hear you out. Let’s look at what active listening is all about, finding common ground, being willing to be wrong and factually expressing yourself. It’s not about being right, it’s about learning.

Before I get going, I’d just like to highlight 2 key books where I’ve derived most of this wisdom from; ‘Think Again’ by Adam Grant and ‘Factfulness’ by Hans Rosling.

Active listening

When it comes to arguing with people in general, the biggest mistake we make is listening to respond. We tend to get heated up and focus on how to convince them to adopt our way of thinking, instead of listening to hear them out.

Active listening is probably one of the most important aspects of engaging with someone who disagrees with you. It involves listening to understand and make sense of where that person is coming from, not to think of a response. We’ve all been programmed to do the exact opposite of that.

So how can we listen more actively?

Just focus more on their point of view. If you feel yourself starting to think of the ‘perfect reply’ to them while they’re still speaking, push it aside and be mindful. It requires patience, practice and conscious effort. Keep probing them by asking clarifying questions. The objective is to gain a clear understanding of where they’re coming from and what they’re really saying.

Try and paraphrase what they’ve said back to them to ensure that you actually interpreted it correctly. This also shows the other person that you’re receptive to their train of thought, which will in turn allow them to hear you out.

Common ground

Another great way to get people to hear your side of the story is to first establish common ground. Sure, there will be differences in opinion and ideology. But more often than not, there will also be a lot in common.

When you identify those common beliefs, you should try and express them in a way that draws the other person in. Make them feel like you’re not the enemy. Make yourself feel like that too. We have a lot more in common with other people than we think. This will help build some trust and may allow the other individual to hear out your conflicting thoughts after that.

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Willing to be wrong

A willingness to be wrong is absolutely crucial when it comes to thoughtful disagreement. We simply cannot enter the conversation with our cups full and our minds blocked. We need to put our ego aside and accept the fact that we may very well be wrong.

The incredible thing about this is that YOU are the one who gets to learn. If you’re right all the time, it means you’re not challenging your thoughts enough and are maybe surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals.

This isn’t to say that we should just back down whenever our opinions are challenged. But rather that should be open-minded enough to re-frame our thinking in the face of factual evidence.

Expressing yourself factually

This point ties in well with a willingness to be wrong. In order to have a strong foundation in your discussion, you need to be equipped with proof or certain facts. Your opinion can be solidified by bringing in certain aspects of research. This is to ensure that you’re not just thumb-sucking information and to keep your argument valid.

What does that mean for you then? Do some research! Stop arguing based on something your uncle told you 10 years ago. Find out for yourself how true or false your current beliefs are. This will not only help you debate more concretely, but it will also enable you to learn more about yourself.

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At the end of the day, that’s the point. You want to continuously update your understanding of yourself and the world around you. There’s certainly no shortage of information out there. It’s about exposing yourself to enough differing views and forming an understanding for yourself.

That’s the last thing I want to tell you. Don’t just accept the first article you read as being your source of truth. Find different sources, different authors, different perspectives. Don’t fall into analysis paralysis, but just cover your bases.

There will always be things we agree on and things we disagree on. The point is to make the most of the different perspectives that are available to you and learn as much as you can. Don’t let your ego get in the way of having an incredibly meaningful conversation. You don’t always have to agree, but you should always try to learn.

Dive Into Your Fears

How often do you find yourself consciously facing your fears? In this day and age, I’d say probably not much at all. Being confined by fear is an interesting concept, especially when most of it is actually psychological.

I thought about writing on fear because I know how much I subconsciously try to avoid confronting it. There are a number of root causes to our current fears, which could either be biological, physiological, or due to traumatic experiences.

In today’s post, I’d like to dive into your fears. I’ll look at identifying the different causes of those fears, what we can do about them, and how to avoid being shut down by fear. This might be easier for some of you than it is for others, the point is to try and strengthen our psychological resilience to the horrors we often have to face.

What causes of fear?

“A potential for pain, or an unrecognizable event, causes fear. The amygdalae, organs in the limbic system, detect such possibilities and send the signals which generate the fear emotion, which sets off avoidance activities.”

We experience fear out of instinct to avoid pain or undesirable events. Our minds react to external stimuli (or even mental projections) to ensure that we do what is necessary to survive. So if we have to look at the biological aspect of it, the amygdalae are what cause the sensation of fear. But what events trigger the amygdalae to make us feel that way?

As I’ve alluded to before, there are several different causes behind fear. I’ll focus on 3 in this post specifically, just to touch on the topic at a high-level:

• Failure
• Past trauma
• Evolution

Other causes of fear can include insecurity, overthinking, perfectionism, childhood events (linked to past trauma), and worrying about other people’s opinion to name a few.

On the topic of failure, I think that is one of the most common causes of fear. We are afraid of failing. We want to survive. We want to make it through. We want to succeed. We want to make ourselves and other people in our life proud. It would thus make sense that many of our underlying fears are deep-rooted in our intrinsic motive to avoid failure.

Past trauma is another incredibly important and often undetected cause of fear. When we experience a traumatic event (such as being robbed or getting into a car accident), it often leaves a mark on our psyche. We become a lot more careful, vigilant and even suspicious of the world. We try to avoid getting into that same scenario again, as best as we can.

The last cause of fear that I’ll touch on is that of evolution. We were once hunter gatherers and stayed in very close-knitted groups. We needed to survive off the savannah and ensure the tribe was safe from all forms of danger. The issue is, many of the underlying fears that enabled us to cope with the dangers at that time, stay with us up until today. Fearing snakes, the dark, spiders etc., are often rooted in ancestral times.

https://www.paulekman.com/universal-emotions/what-is-fear/

Tee figure above shows different levels of intensity when it comes to experiencing fear. Apart from just identifying the causes, we should also look at how intense the feeling is. What I’d like to do now is use the mentioned causes of fear to help us figure out what to do about it.

What to do about fear

So what should we do about fear when it does arise? The first answer is the obvious one; accept it. We often try to hide behind this façade of bravery. We like to appear to be fearless and full of courage. It often comes at the expense of being true to ourselves.

Instead of trying to appear to be strong and brave, what’s even more courageous is learning to accept certain fears and working towards overcoming them. True bravery (in my opinion) is about persistence and trying your best to learn from those underlying fears.

How to become Spiderman

After we accept that they’re there, we need to methodically try to overcome them. It won’t just happen overnight. We can’t expect to find an instantaneous answer. Exposure therapy is something that often works really well in this case. Slowly expose yourself to that which makes you afraid (in bearable doses). Then increase the intensity of the exposure as you get more and more used to it.

Those are things that are very situation specific, but are there ways that will allow us to develop a resilience to fear in general? How can we learn to fight that voice in our head and push forward, despite wanting to sit back and stay in our comfort zone?

How to stop letting fear hold you back

From my perspective, it’s about having faith and building up courage. It can surprisingly also boil down to purpose. When we have a strong foundational belief and understand that everything happens for a reason, we tend to be a lot more resilient.

From an Islamic point of view, the following quote resonates a lot with me:

It’s a fundamental belief that God is always with us, irrespective of how dreadful the scenario may be. Keeping that world view in mind allows me to push through many of my fears and setbacks in general.

When it comes to developing resilience to fear in general, what we need to focus on is essentially building a set of habits that allow us to face ‘baby’ fears all the time. A common example of this is cold showers. It’s petrifying and scary as hell. But doing it consistently allows your mind to practice overcoming the mental hurdle.

Next time there’s something that makes you really nervous or that you’re a little scared to do, just go for it and see the difference it can make. You’ll be a lot more ambitious in your goals and you won’t let trivial trials hold you back.

The point I’m trying to make from this post is that you’re capable. The more you put yourself out there and face you fears, the stronger you become. That strength can then diffuse into all other aspects of your life and will enable you to grow exponentially. We don’t realize how much of our potential is blocked purely because of our misconceptions and fears.

Face Everything And Rise.